He's Here!

My little turkey made his appearance in the world today. He is absolutely PERFECT and I'm SO in love. I will post tomorrow with details, but due to my current energy level (I've fallen asleep 3 times during this so far..., I'll just leave you with a couple pictures!

In The Hospital

Head over to http://babybumbleb.com for our latest adventure- being admitted into Labor & Delivery and our possible Turkey Day c-section!

A Long Week!

Thanks for the comments on my last post. One night last week I had one of the worst nights in a long time. I was having BH/contractions every 3 minutes. It was awful. Some were painful, all were uncomfortable and full of pressure. I didn't call my office because they don't give a crap about me and my contractions. The only person I can actually get to care is my actual doctor and she's impossible to get to, so there really is no point. I took some Tylenol, laid on a heating pad, laid on my side, drank tons of water... Nothing. Finally at like midnight, totally exhausted, I took a hot bath. That helped with the discomfort and pressure. I was still having them, but they were bearable, so I went to sleep. Then at 4 when the husband got up I was still having them. At 8 when I got up I was having them sporatically but not bad. I put myself on bed rest the rest of the day.

I called the Dr office to at least see if there was something else I could do. They said "take tylenol... lay on your side.... lay on a heating pad.... drink water...." Did all that. I asked the nurse to tell my doctor that I called because I already have a shortened AND softened cervix and she's been keeping an eye on my contractions and cervix. I bet one bajillion dollars she didn't. I'll find out at my appointment on Thursday! And if she didn't get the message, I hope someone gets in huge trouble. I am so sick of this office it's absolutely ridiculous. If I didn't like my Dr so much, I would be GONE already...

I especially hate the contractions because when I have them, I can't feel the baby move at all. So I don't know if he is and I can't feel it, or if he's hating them as much as I am. I know they are "Just BH" but with the frequency and severity of them that I'm having, they can still cause cervical changes. I'll just have that home birth that so many women are DYING to have because my dang doctor's office can't care worth a doodle!

But since then I've felt pretty good. I take baths every night and that helps a lot. We have a huge jacuzzi bath tub so it's great. Another thing that I have noticed is that I can't eat a lot or that causes me to feel like crap and have contractions too. I'm trying to learn what helps and what hinders since I'm the only one that wants to help myself!

I had my baby shower yesterday and it was SO MUCH FUN! I got tons of stuff for the baby and got to see a lot of people! I have the best friends and family! You can read a recap of the day over at Baby Bumble B :)

Today the baby made me pee my pants. I had just peed, but he found some drops I had missed I guess and just squeezed them right out. It was kinda funny!

Just Cause It's Halloween Doesn't Mean You Can Scare Me

Yesterday was my 30 week OB appointment. We are now measuring 3 weeks behind. You may remember at 28 weeks we were measuring 2 weeks behind. So the doctor ordered an US to check his size.

I went in this morning and saw my little man. The US tech said his head is lower than she's seen in years and years. She couldn't get over how low he was. 2nd tech to tell me that this week! She said my fluid was good, he was proportional, but small at 2lbs 11ozs. She then proceeds to have me sit in the waiting area for the Dr.

Okay, this may not sound like a big deal to you, but this office is notorious (in my book) to drop the ball and send me packing. So for her to make me wait kinda freaked me out a little. I was planning on waiting anyways because I wanted to know the deal, but for her to tell me too...

Then she comes out and says "She's (the doctor) not here yet, and I'm not sure when she will be, but you have to wait because I need to show her these pictures."

Ummmm. I started to freak. I was almost in tears in the waiting room. Like WTF is wrong with my baby?! Christopher was at work and I was texting him with NO answer. It was awful.

Then she comes out a few minutes later "Okay! Everything looks great! She's happy! She said you can go!"

Wow. Way to scare the living shit out of me.

I told Christopher I don't care if he gets FIRED. If I am in a situation like that ever again he is to be there no questions asked. I can't deal without him. He's seriously my rock, and I can't be alone in situations like that. The other day I got sick and puked everywhere all over myself in my car(wanted to know that huh?!) and he left his meeting to see what was wrong. I'm BAWLING (because I'm a baby) and tell him I got sick all over myself. I was expecting a "That sucks babe, but seriously? this isn't a big deal" but instead he was so so sweet and sounded so upset for me and talked to me for a really long time until I was feeling better. Because by that point I was crying about getting sick, I was crying because I have crazy hormones, and then it turned into how much I miss him and I hate how he works all the time and I want to spend more time with him to just blubbering crazy woman. And he was so sweet the entire time.

I just love him.

So the moral of this story- Baby is low, skinny like his daddy, I will be jealous of them both for the rest of my life, Christopher has to go with me everywhere at all times and never leave my side, and I am crazy.

Bad Blogger

I have been a bad blogger over here! I just don't have a lot to talk about. I've been blogging at Baby Bumble B a lot. I had a 4D US Sunday and you can read about it there if you'd like. I just hate to talk about my super fabulous pregnancy here all the time, but I've been pretty miserable and I absolutely don't want to complain here since I remember wishing this crap on myself. SOOO I've just been sitting back, keeping up with everyone, but not having much to say.

I have an appointment tomorrow and hopefully a cervical check. My belly has definitely gotten bigger so I'm crossing my fingers for a normal size measurement this week!

Not REALLY The News I Wanted To Hear

Today I finally had my appointment (since they screwed it up last week). They went ahead and just did my glucose test while I was there. I told my doctor that I still continue to have Braxton Hicks all the time and they are 50/50 painful/not painful. She checked me (and it hurt! What's up with that?!) and said "oh! His head is right there!" Ummm yeah... I know... She said I was closed up but still a little short. She said she was probably going to do an ultrasound at my next appointment. She measured me and said we are two weeks behind, that I'm only measuring 26 weeks. I am 28 today. I don't really know what to think about that. She mentioned the US again, so I don't know if she's going to check him out or not. She said I was long waisted so that was probably why..?

I've only gained 5 pounds this whole pregnancy, and yes while I joke about how nice it is, now it's annoying me because is my baby too small? What's going on? I eat all the time. It's not like I'm starving us. I'm not really worried, just kinda like "what...?" It's frustrating. I'm just having a very hormonal pregnancy week and have tons to complain about, but I won't!

I'm up to appointments every 2 weeks now, which I like a lot!

Hope everyone remembered today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness/Remembrance Day! I wrote a little post about it on Bumble B. I also bought a domain for it, so no blogspot anymore! You can still use the same URL I believe, but the new one is now http://www.babybumbleb.com! Pretty nifty huh?

Hubster-Isms!

I started Hubster-ism's over on Little Baby Bumble B! It sounds like so much fun to me! I'd love for you to participate! Just blog and submit the silly thing your hubster says. And I KNOW they say a lot of silly things. They're boys... ;)


Want to read more hubster-isms or join the fun and submit one of your own?

Just Annoyed

My Doctor's office deserves a gold medal for being the most unorganized crap hole on earth.

I had an appointment this morning. Yesterday I realized I hadn't gotten a reminder call so I wanted to make sure it was still on. I call the main office, which I HATE. They said I wasn't on the schedule at all and to call the small office (that I go to) and talk to my dr's nurse to see if she can get me in anyways.

So I call. And I call. And call. Call. Call. Call. I leave 2 messages. Nothing.

So at 9 this morning I called and it turns out my appointment WAS there at 8:40, but it didn't show my name because I'm "BLOCKED" because I have a balance. ??WTF??

So she makes me a new appointment at the main office with a midwife. I asked "Are they going to make me pay that whole balance?" (400+ dollars btw) and she said "ummm may be just like 250." Well I can't do that. I can do like 50 that's it, and she said to try, that should be fine. Well I have been turned away at this main office before for money issues. PLUS this midwife knows nothing about me. Nothing about my cervical history. So even if I get BACK THERE it'll be a waste of time because I'll have to explain everything and try to get her to check me.

I have nothing against midwives, but I'm not the most routine pregnancy in the world. I would like to be seen by MY DOCTOR. I would like to be checked by MY DOCTOR. I want to talk about my lack of weight gain to MY DOCTOR. Not someone that doesn't know me!

I know once I am in the hospital chances of having my doctor are like nothing, but that's okay. I'm having the baby. It's all over. But up until that point, I want MY DOCTOR.

So I just called and said I wasn't going and I wanted the next available with MY DOCTOR at the small office. So October 15th, here we come...

So annoying.

BTW! I am having a giveaway at Little Baby Bumble B! Come see!

Thanks For The Support!

Thanks for all of the support yesterday. I decided to make a new blog on Blogger. The new link is http://littlebabybumbleb.blogpost.com. Once I get a spare ten bucks I'm going to host it and have the blogspot removed!

I'm planning a HUGE giveaway! I am really excited about it. So please keep checking back. I plan on being here just as much as always and reading up on all my girls!

New Home?

I've been thinking for awhile about moving or changing my name.

If all goes accordingly, I will have a baby soon. I won't be trying to get preggers or stay preggers anymore. My blog will be alllll about my baby boy and my adventures in first time motherhood, cloth diapering, life, breastfeeding, etc.

I love this blog and it really helped me through some tough times. I still want to keep this blog and talk about loss (because let's face it, the pain never goes away.) and infertility thoughts, and it's my first HOME! I still have my parents' house number programmed in my cell phone as "home" and I haven't lived there in almost 7 years. It's where I grew up, and this blog is where I grew up.

I was thinking about just starting a whole new one under this same profile, but with this new blog I want everyone to see. All my real life friend's too. I DON'T want them to see this one, because I talk about really private stuff, and sometimes, them.

So I have decided to start all over. What a pain. Now, Blogger or Wordpress?

I want to hopefully somehow monetize with my new blog and make it better than ever. Since I have no job basically (read yesterday's post) I should have time to put in some effort.

I just feel for me that once this baby comes, it would be rude to continue acting like I'm a loss/infertile girl and talk about Bumble B all the time. And I want a place that everyone can come to. Is this weird?

I'd love thoughts on moving and my feelings!

Here is my first sweet baby girl Cinderella loving on her little brother Bumble B this morning. He continuously kicks her all night and day, and she doesn't mind one bit. I hope she's this content when he shows up ;)


BTW, I added captcha to my comments temporarily. I am having a spammer spam my posts so for a little while that'll be on! I'm sorry! I hate them too!!!!

99 days! Plus an award!

Look at my little floating baby! 99 days left! Wow!


Wow that's like 3 months. 3 months and I'll have a KID.

Thanks to everyone for their cloth diapering advice. I have gotten tons of comments and Tweets. It has been GREAT! It's still a little mind boggling, but I think I have narrowed it down to a cover with an insert. All-In-2 I think?

Currently I am listening to Britney Spears' new single "3" over and over. If you are new, I am a die hard Britney fan. I love her. Always have, always will! I went to her concert in March and it was AMAZING! Her new song is... um... about a threesome... But whatever. I love her and it's so dang catchy. I hope Bumble B appreciates it now, in the womb, cause I probably won't let him listen to this one when he comes out.

Listening, that brings me to my next concern. My current FREAK OUT is this kid's hearing. He never jumps at loud noises. I have had two+ hands worth of ultrasounds and had a doppler, and oh yeah, went shooting a few weeks not even THINKING about his poor little ears. So now I am absolutely paranoid that he can't hear. Anyone else not have an easy startler in the womb????

I'm also looking for a job. I have THREE SHIFTS next month. We have NO MONEY and can't pay our house payment/rent for September. And yeah, October is tomorrow. So IDK what we're going to do. So I'm making a resume, and it's HARD!!! My husband is seeing if there are any admin jobs at his work for me. No one is going to hire a 7 month pregnant girl, so I don't know what I'm thinking. But I'm applying to a Vet Receptionist position, bank position, and hopefully something at his work. Worth a try. Can't say I didn't try when we're living on the street, right? For the record we got in this awful hole we are in right now because we overpaid a dang bill and now I think every single check of ours covers negative fees. We can't get out of the hole. I am going to go to a SouthernSavers.com workshop next month. Hopefully that'll help our wallets. I cut up the hubster's debit card and gave him an allowance hehe. I'm just going to stay home as much as possible. We live pretty far away from everything, so gas is a B. My work is 27 miles away... It's just really obnoxious because I get paid $25 dollars an hour, but there are no positions anywhere in my field. So ridiculous. Money is hard, and it's gotten ridiculously unmanageable these last 2-3 months, and I'm about to have a baby to feed and clothe... Thankfully I have tons of clothes, boobies, a pump, and hopefully some cloth diapers that I can wash with my well water and not have to worry about a water bill. We don't have car payments or cable or internet, so there isn't anything to cut out. Christopher may be getting a major pay raise (where they are changing his job title) and it can triple his salary. That would OBVIOUSLY be ideal! Then I wouldn't have to worry about working period ;) But I don't want to put my hopes into that. It's like hoping for the lottery. Too good to be true... What I would love it to get my computer fixed and get my Photoshop back and do website design (i used to have one, I miss it sometimes...), make blog templates, make custom graphics, siggies, for a little money. Then I could manage an Etsy shop for my mom (who is AMAZING and can make all that stuff people sell for $30 on Etsy) and try to take my blog to a new and different level. Just work at home!

I saw this yesterday on spearmint baby. I'm definitely getting a lime green A for my little Bumble B's nursery! It'll go PERFECTLY! It's only $12 on Etsy!


Here is a silly picture of my little one. He has his mommy's badonkadonk I think! (PLEASE excuse the panties! Sorry!)


ANYWAYS! One of the fabulous girls I met on Twitter during my cloth diaper crusade gave me an award! I feel so loved! Thanks to The Eco Chic! You're so helpful and SWEET!!



Here are the rules for the Over The Top Award: USE ONLY ONE WORD! It’s not as easy as you might think. Copy and change the answers to suit yourself and pass it on. It’s really hard to use only one-word answers so try your best.
1. Where is your cell phone? Desk
2.Your hair? unbrushed
3. Your mother? BFF
4. Your father? Funny
5. Your favorite food? Pickles!
6. Your dream last night? Camper
7. Your favorite drink? DietCoke
8. Your dream/goal? Rich ;)
9. What room are you in? Dining
10. Your hobby? Internet
11. Your fear? Alligators
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? WAHM
13. Where were you last night? Bed
14. Something that you aren’t? Working (LOL)
15. Muffins? Blueberry!!!!
16. Wish list item? iTouch
17. Where did you grow up? Charleston
18. Last thing you did? BBM
19. What are you wearing? Jacket
20. Your TV? Off
21. Your pets? LOVE
22. Friends? Moved
23. Your life? Hectic
24. Your mood? Hungry
25. Missing someone? hubster
26. Vehicle? Beetle
27. Something you’re not wearing? Bra!
28. Your favorite store? Target
29. Your favorite color? Pink
30. When was the last time you laughed? yesterday
31. Last time you cried? yesterday
32. Your best friend? Christopher
33. One place that I go to over and over? ??
34. One person who emails me regularly? Babycenter
35. Favorite place to eat? Depends...

I'd like to pass this award on to all the girls that have been helping me with cloth diapering or have fabulous cloth diapering blogs I have found helpful!
1. Paisleys and Pretties
2. Marni's Organized Mess
3. Impatient With PCOS
4. Raising Our Little Bean
5. Working On It
6. Mrs. Spock
7. Heather from EverGreen Moms
8. Sunny In Seattle
9. Hass Family Blessings
10. Mrs. Gamgee
There were more girls on Twitter, but I don't know their blogs! Sorry if I skipped you!

Cloth Diapering

I've been saying I want to cloth diaper this whole pregnancy. But every time I look and research, my head spins. There is so much information, I just quit.

However today, I think I have narrowed down what I WANT. And 2 types of diapers out there that coniside with my wishes hehe.

I want a diaper that you can reuse over and over as long as it is not soiled. Just change the inserts or prefolds. BumGenious is coming out with a new one called Flip that does this. Also, Cotton Babies has one called Econobum that do this and are cheap. I'm doing this because we have all of a sudden become poor LOL. So I think these would be our best bet.

Are there other brands/diapers that do the same thing that I'm missing??

Anyone have suggestions for me? PLEASE help me!

Update- I have learned that groBaby does the same, but they're more expensive. And from what I may understand is that you don't have to use their pads, you can use whatever??

Many thanks to http://fentonslee.blogspot.com/ for all the help she's giving me on Twitter!

25 weeks!

Wow 25 weeks! Just 2 more weeks until 7 months and 3 weeks until 3rd trimester!



BTW thanks for the support and encouraging words. Hubster and I are doing great :) Nothing like some pregnancy hormones to scare the shit out of him!

Getting Better

Things are better with me and hubster. We still didn't have the shower because like I said, he spent all the money. I was really really disappointed. I really wanted that shower, but oh well I guess. I think he finally realized how upset I was when I got drastic and told him how I really felt and how I feel every time he lies to me (always about money and drinking FTR) and how he's been a jerk with his friend around. He has been a lot more attentive. Let's see how long this lasts... I think I woke him up when I said I didn't want to bring a baby into his world of lying and money issues he causes. When I said I didn't want his baby (of course I WANT THIS BABY. But if I wasn't pregnant now, I probably would put it on hold) he got really really upset and totally changed his tune. Hopefully not that we are having Bumble B he will wake up and realize he's 30 freaking years old and needs to grow up and wake up. So anyways... Thanks for all the comments! They meant a lot! :D

Question...: Anyone have any idea where McMama gets these pants for her middle son? I love them and want them.

Cancelled

So the Daddy Shower has been cancelled. I almost feel like my marriage has too. I can't keep living like this, keep forgiving my husband for constantly lying, and just relive it over and over and over. I just wrote his "BFF" an email and kicked him out (he's staying with us for almost a stinkin month). Let's see if he leaves or Christpher chooses him over me.

V Day!

Today is Bumble B's viability day! He is 24 weeks today and has a good chance to live outside of the womb in case something were to happen! I can't believe that I may actually be having a baby! One of my own! It's crazy!

My nieces and BIL and SIL came in yesterday. I haven't seen the girls since February. Let me tell you, 7 months makes a HUMONGOUS difference in a 2 and 4 year old! They are completely different and so incredibly grown. It's amazing. I can't stop looking at them. They look so different and their personalities have evolved so much. R is such a great big sister and J has turned into a DIVA! R can walk on her hands, do an amazing cartwheel, and bend back into a bridge. I could never do any of that. She flips off of the swing set, it's crazy. J's hair has grown like 6 inches it seems. She's got beautiful curly cues and is speaking in complete sentences, and I can understand everything she says!


This weekend I am throwing Christopher a Daddy's Shower! We are having it at an apartment complex that my SIL's sister works for. There will be a pool, boy food (pizza, wings, etc) and Christopher's team (Tampa Bay) will be playing, plus we're having Madden 2010 tournaments. He and his brother are planning on making a bracket and all this stuff. I figured they'd just "play winner" but they are really getting into it. There is a pool, but I have a feeling they won't be using it. Christopher's brother and best friend are both stationed halfway across the country and are BOTH in this weekend, so I really wanted to do something. His brother is really bummed that he's missing out on the baby, and Christopher is so incredibly excited about the baby, I really believe that he deserves a little celebration with his friends too!

I got us some tshirts for the event, and they came in yesterday!

Cervical Length is a Pain

I had a doctor's appointment today. I know, again. This was my regularly scheduled appointment.

We talked about my cervical length. She said it was 3cm. She said it wasn't funneling or dilating, which is obviously fantastic, but it was a little short. She said at 2.5cm she would normally do a cerclage. She said she could do one, but she thinks it would just hurt more than help (I'm guessing she meant "piss your cervix off") at this point. She said she is expecting it to be shorter because of my LEEP (2 years ago due to moderate to severe dysplasia). The doctor last week said there is an outside cervix and inside cervix and my outside felt fine. The way my doctor this week is talking it sounds like my outside is shortened? Anyways, she said if I ever feel that pressure or pain I did last week again, to STOP what I'm doing and rest. She said listen to my body and do what it says.

So I read up on Keep Em Cookin' (if you have not been to that site. GO NOW! It's full of fantastic info and the girl who runs it and the Twitter, @keepemcookin is so great!) and it says 4-4.5 is normal for my gestation and 2.5 and under is cause for concern. So I'm in the middle low of that. But if she's expecting me to be a bit short, that's okay...?

I felt like I asked all the right and great questions at the appointment and now I feel at loss again. Has anyone else had a LEEP, been at 3cm at 21-23 weeks but had no other troubles at all? I was 21w5d when the ol' cervix was measured, 22w5d today. Should I be concerned, or just chillax like my doctor is telling me to? I'm glad she said to listen to my body. I think I have been and I have felt stupid for it, but she reassured me that that's okay!

In other appointment news, all of the results from last week's US on Bumble B's little spine didn't go through on the computer so I had to have another. Oh darn! He was finally FACE UP! He's always been face down! So I got his FIRST PROFILE PIC! I love him so so so much! He looks just like his daddy already! His has my old chin though (overbite that resulted in years and thousands of dollars to fix). He's so so so stinkin cute though. So ugly he's ADORABLE. I just want to hold him and kiss him and love on him. Looking at that little face I forget about all of our money troubles and worries about working and how we're going to handle this and all I can think about it "Oh my gosh. That is my little boy that looks like us and I want to hold him and kiss him and never ever ever ever let him go." I don't know HOW I will make it these next 15-17 weeks! I just can't wait to love on him!

22 week survey & pictures!

How far along? 22 weeks today!
Total weight gain/loss: 4 pounds up!
Maternity clothes? I have to wear maternity pants (even though the XSs are falling off) or a bellaband. But the bella band is really hurting my stomach these days. I wear some of the maternity shirts, just the fitted ruched ones.
Sleep: Insomnia has gone away a bit. I go to sleep at like 8, pee at 3, sometimes 5, then up around 8!
Best moment this week: My husband FOR SURE felt the baby. He has before but wasn't convinced. His face just LIGHTS UP when he feels him! I LOVE it
Movement: All the time. The internet says he's supposed to sleep 12-14 hours a day. Not mine. He even wakes me up moving, so I know he's not sleeping then either! LOL
Food cravings: Pickles and Ice cream! How funny, right?!
Gender: DEFINITELY a boy! :)
Labor Signs: Had some Braxton Hicks. Umm, NOT un-painful ones. Thankfully no preterm labor! That awful pressure was worrying me!
Belly Button in or out? Still in... still stretching all around. As soon as I "pop" it won't have a prayer
What I miss: Margaritas and cold ham
What I am looking forward to: My shower in November hehe
Weekly Wisdom: Don't do housework. It makes you contract. Just stay in bed :)
Milestones: Had another US! 4 chamber heart and LSpine ARE there! Yaaay!

21w5d


When I am exasperated with Christopher


This is one of my BFFs Ashley. She had a Princess Prince themed birthday party for her one year old. She had crowns for all the kids, and she even got a little miniature one for Bumble B! Isn't that so sweet? She is probably the only person that really acknowledges him as a REAL person, not just a baby in my belly. I love it :)


Christopher put together the crib! Who wants to come paint?!


All his clothes so far hehehe. One has a snail and says "Worth The Wait". I got that onsie a loooooong time ago. So happy to finally put MY BABY in it!

A Trip To The Doctor!

Last night I started having some pretty painful (well, I think so. I haven't had real labor obviously) Braxton Hicks. Enough to make me stop my sentence and whine and complain. I knew they weren't real contractions since my whole belly wasn't getting hard, just one side, the other, or in the middle. They hurt no matter what my position I was in. I had about 10 in 45 min-1 hour. I drank a bunch of water and went to sleep.

Today they just got more and more painful. I had a friend US me. She did a trans abdominal and said she couldn't tell if it was short or not (knowing this wasn't accurate, but my theory was, if it was really short, you'd be able to tell) because Bumble B's head is using my oh so fabulous cervix as a pillow and just burrowing his head right in! So I called the Dr and got in at 2:40.

I didn't get my regular doctor, but I didn't care. He checked me, said I was closed up, and I very nicely demanded an US to check my length. The tech just happened to have an opening at that moment, so I got to see my little man again! We got a look at the heart and LSpine that we couldn't get before since he was breach and had his BUTT in my cervix, not his head. He was pretty lazy and just chillin, not wanting to have pictures taken. Cervical length was good!

The doctor also measured my belly and said my weight gain (4 lbs!) and size (I think so small) were perfect. I told him some people said I was too little and he said nope, I was just little, so baby and I would stay little, but we were growing perfectly. That made me feel a lot better!

So basically the verdict of the day is- Baby's fine, I'm going to have painful Braxton Hicks for the remainder of my pregnancy. I'll be one of those lucky ladies. And you know, that's FINE! Now that I know the baby is fine and I'm fine and I know exactly what is going on, I can deal. Not knowing is the scary part!

21 Weeks Today

Sorry I have been MIA. I haven't had much computer time or any real big updates to talk about!

Bumble B is still moving like crazy. He finally found the top 4-5 inches of uterus he's been ignoring and now I feel him higher than ever! He's really growing on my heart ;)

I have to say that this week, I am so so so thankful to my husband for giving me this baby! I just want to hold him now and play with him, but I know he has a good while to still bake.

The husband and I have both started dreaming about our live baby. His hair is dark and he likes baths and naps and has the sweetest laugh in the whole wide world. I can't wait to meet him!

BTW, we have shrunk ;)

20 Weeks!!!

I am halfway done! I can't believe it! This is such a major milestone for me! I don't know if it is to all preggos out there, but this is so tremendous, and I'm not really sure why! 20 weeks just sounds PREGNANT to me! Like this is totally 100% real, and I am nearing the end. I seriously in all honesty never thought this moment would happen. This morning on my way to work the baby was having a 20 week party in my uterus. he was dancing and celebrating for sure! I think it tired him out because he's been sleeping for the last hour or two. This was a day I never thought I would make. In a month I will hit viability, and there may actually be a chance that I will have a real live baby soon. Wow!

Things I am experiencing, because I know you're DYING to find out!
1. I found stretch marks on my new beautiful baby boobies. Boo.
2. I'm turning into one of those paranoid freak moms. I registered for a breathable bumper, won't be using a positioner, and will have moving air in nursery at all times. I don't mind "leashes" because the thought of my child being snatched right from my hand scares the crap out of me. I sent a scary scary crash test baby video to my in laws because they think car seats are stupid. They're stupid...
3. My belly button is stretching. I have an outie in an innie and the innie part is starting to come out a little and there is another tiny innie under the main innie that you couldn't see unless you moved the big innie out of the way. Gross I know. Plus the bottom hole of my past belly button piercing is no longer IN my belly button. It's above it.
4. I have a HINT of a linea n-whatever. The dark line that cuts your belly in half. It's really low, not all the way to the mutant button yet.
5. 2nd trimester was supposed to be full of energy and sex? No way. I am so freaking tired I could die and sex? You have GOT to be kidding me. You know when you're constipated and have a huge poop stuck in your butt? That's what it feels like in my vagina. Go away leg humping husband.
6. Babycenter and TheBump newsletters jinxed me. I wasn't having midnight leg cramps until those biatches sent me about 28 emails warning me about them. Thanks y'all!
7. Baby boy showed off his man business Monday. On his uncle's birthday. I think that was a sign he's going to take after his Uncle M who never passes up a chance to chase my husband and his friend around with his wiener, delighting in their girlish screams and attempts to hide in closets and under tables with their poor faces covered.
8. Bumble B doesn't want to give all his love away yet. Definitely a mama's boy! He only kicks for me, and when daddy puts his hand on my belly, it's over. I'm considering exclusively breast feeding so he'll love me more than anyone else. How evil is that?
9. I realized that Caffeine Free Pepsi really doesn't taste bad. It almost tastes just like Diet. the hubster got me the wrong kind. I was so desperate I drank it anyways, and now if that's the only option, I have no qualms cause it's JUST as yummy!
10. Bumble B likes Sweettarts!!!!!

Frustrated

So I'm on thebump.com and this girl is actually complaining about her friend who just had a miscarriage because her friend doesn't want to hear about her pregnancy. She is so incredibly insensitive about it, it's sickening. She's wondering if she is in the wrong or her friend, and all the girls say her friend is wrong.

I lost friends when I wasn't pregnant after my miscarriage. It sucked and I know it wasn't fair and I feel guilty for it, but it had to be done. And I have a friend who has ditched me completely since I have become pregnant, and yes it hurts A LOT, but I can't blame her one bit.

I would never in a million years wish a miscarriage on ANYONE, but I would wish these stuck up ignorant whores one MINUTE of the worst pain I felt through my miscarriage. They have no clue what it felt like to flush their baby down the toilet and then watch the people closest to them parade around with their bellies and joys.

Just because we get pregnant doesn't make IF or loss ANY easier or better. I still get pissed when I read about this kind of stuff. I even get upset still when I see my friends' babies' picture that were due when I was due. I get jealous sometimes when I see belly pictures. Totally stupid, I know, but it happens. It never ever goes away...

US and Registering!

Yesterday was our anatomy scan and doctor's appointment. The US went great. On my end anyways... Little Bumble B is a constant wiggler and squirmer, which of course I knew and I love. However, making for a good anatomy scan, is not so great.

Everything that she could get looked GREAT. However she could not get a good enough shot of his 4-chamber heart or his LSpine because he's breach, sitting on his butt, legs Indian style, chillin with me. I think he might be a good lap sitter ;)

So UNFORTUNATELY I have to have another US in 4 weeks! I'm glad of course, because I love seeing that cute jackolantern face. I'm not too worried about the heart because I have seen the 4 chambers before. A little worried about the spine because the friend who did the US on Friday couldn't see it either. I know it's his position, but it still worries me a bit. I'm sure spina bifida could have been detected at the 12 week scan when he was sleeping like a log. And surely my friend would have caught it at 14 weeks. My BW for the baby and neural defects came back fine. I know they can be false negative and positive, but I wasn't worried. And he's moving his legs, so that's a good sign...

I'm sure it's nothing, but what mom isn't really a mom if she doesn't worry once in a while... Or all the time?!

Yesterday he also made a HUGE roll over and scared the living bajeesus out of me! I was just laying down, watching TV, hand on my belly and BAM! I jumped 10 feet! It was CRAZY. When will I get used to THAT?!

We also registered yesterday. OMG I was SPENT when we were done. I don't think I got out of bed the rest of the afternoon. We registered at Babies R Us and Target. We decided on a bedding that we liked a lot online but weren't sure about. We liked it a lot more in person. Plus it'll be easier and cheaper (on our part) than the pirate theme we were considering since we'd have to buy everything online from boutiques and stuff ourselves. The pack and play I want though is unfortunately only online. But may be a far away relative will get it and have it shipped. That'd be nice ;)

Here is a pic from my US. My absolute favorite. The past two scans he's been constantly sucking on that thumb! I LOVE it!
(Click for a larger view!)

Survey and Awards!

How far along? 18 weeks and 4 days!
Total weight gain/loss: I lost 15, I think I've caught back up? I'll find out tomorrow at my Dr's appointment!
Maternity clothes? I love the pants. The panels are so comfy. IDK if I ever want to wear button up jeans again for the rest of my life hehehe
Sleep: Is disturbed at least 2 times because I have to pee. Sometimes I get really crappy insomnia and I'm awake for hours
Best moment this week: Feeling the baby kick from the outside. It scared the crap out of me! LOL
Movement: Lots when I'm sitting or laying still. A few good slugs felt from the outside. Hubster is totally left out though. Can't wait for him to catch one!
Food cravings: Sweets
Gender: Boy!
Labor Signs: No thank you.
Belly Button in or out? Well, I have an innie in an outie. It's still in there, but it's spreading a little, and I can see more in there than I could before
What I miss: A vodkarita. Drunk sex.
What I am looking forward to: Getting a big belly!
Weekly Wisdom: Eat before bed because at 18 weeks, you'll still puke n the morning if your stomach is empty!
Milestones: Heartbeats, movement, 2nd trimester, 5th month! :)

Here is my 18w4d belly pic, a bit bigger than 2 weeks ago!


Katie over at The Happy Hours knit and sent Austin this super cute hat with a Jeep on it, jut like his dad's ;) She's so creative! By far my favorite baby present yet!




I was nominated for this award by 4 bloggers! Thanks to Mrs. Bee, Michelle, Unproductively So, and Tammy!



I'm supposed to nominate 15 new blogs. I do have some new ones or refound ones that I love... How about just checking all my blogs over on the left hand?! They all have been nominated just about anyways LOL!
I'm especially loving The Southern Belle Baby and Journey of Faith. So those two are my official blog award winners!

Eli!

A few weeks ago I posted about a friend being on bed rest. She was admitted into the hospital on STRICT bed rest at 23 weeks weeks with preterm labor and an incompetent cervix.

Yesterday, after being dilated 6cm and having contractions for DAYS, she gave birth to little Eli, 3 lbs 6 oz and was 16 1/4 inches long at 29w2d! He was born CRYING!

He is only on room air and a CPAP. His CPAP pressure has been decreased from 6 to 4 and if he continues on this AMAZING track, he'll just be on a nasal canula in a couple days! He is also sucking on a pacifier! He's doing GREAT and I couldn't be happier for Nicole and her husband Matt!

Nicole is seriously my hero. She had the most positive attitude on bed rest for 6 weeks. She never stepped a foot outside the month of July. She was still in great spirits when she was dilated 6cm for days and days, having contractions on and off. she's truly a testament on you will will do ANYTHING for your child. I didn't hear her complain ONCE!

Thank you everyone for prayers and advice you gave me and Nicole. I am so so thankful that Eli is so healthy and hopefully his NICU stay will be short and sweet and she will get to take her beautiful healthy boy home VERY soon!



If you would like to leave Nicole any love, you can comment here or her Twitter (@anmdils)! Thanks :)

UPDATE August 6th! Eli is OFF of ALL breathing assistance and breathing ON HIS OWN without a nasal cannula, oxygen, ANYTHING! He is getting breastmilk through his feeding tube and Kangaroo time with his mommy! He's doing amazing! Thanks for all the prayers and good wishes!

God Said Wiggle, And He Wiggled

A year ago I posted an entry about being afraid to pray. I've kinda experiencing that again. I prayed and prayed for the twins and lost one. I quit praying and Bumble B's been fine since.



But in recent posts you've seen I haven't been all fine. I've felt kinda lost. The husband and I are having some pretty icky financial problems and a couple huge fights. Not feeling the baby and not feeling pregnant really just iced the cake. I've just been down.



So 2 nights ago I asked God to help me. I think He was just waiting on me. Ever since this baby has been wiggling nonstop and I feel it all!! That night I was reading and I felt a kick from the outside. And this time I knew it wasn't bowel or gas. It was for sure him. Ever since, he's been rockin and rollin in my belly. Remember that whirlpool game you played when you were a kid? You just go in circles in the pool as fast and as hard as you can to make a whirlpool? That's what he was doing! He learned it from his daddy at 12 weeks. So not only is he wiggly but he's smart with a great memory too!!! ;)



So God answered my prayers. It happens.



BTW, what was the flutter/butterfly feelings I was told I would get?! Forget that, these are nudges and flips! Now I'm really not disappointed at all about not having a belly. If I wasn't so thin I may not be able to feel him, especially that initial kick from the outside. I'm sure he was saying "cheer up mom! I'm in here!"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Feeling Blue + an IMPORTANT update!

I've just been feeling a little blue. For one, I had morning sickness today. WTF is up with that?! I'm almost 17 weeks! Don't mix grapes and Capri Sun...

I'm really bummed about not showing. Like I said, I'm almost 17 weeks, and I'm ready for a baby belly. I think I'm just having a really hard time getting excited. I really don't believe that this will happen. Do you ever get that feeling? I remember in high school about to graduate "this will never ever happen. I can't believe it. something bad will happen, I won't graduate." Then when I was in xray school I remember the semester before we started clinicals, "This will never happen. I can't see myself at clinicals. Something's going to happen." That's how I feel about this baby. I really don't see this happening at all. I don't know if it's the twin thing or what. I felt totally excited at the beginning of my pregnancy, but now, I just don't. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my baby. I love reading about what he's doing every week and how big he is (even though you can't tell...) and I love seeing him on an US. But besides that, I feel nothing. I'm just ready to start showing and start feeling him move around. May be then it will feel more real to me?

Here is my 16-17 week belly picture. Nothing exciting. LOL. The little munchkin is where my hand is. The girls on my BBC board (who are 85% all mommies and most seem to have forgotten what it feels like to be a freaked out pregnant girl) say my uterus goes up to my belly button, no matter where the baby is. I beg to differ, because I've had an upset stomach for a week, 2 weeks now and that is definitely all bowel and it's moving a LOT. I've always had a bit of a pooch, and I look skinnier than ever!


The only thing I can guess is that God is going to give me one of those little little bellies so that people don't say "Are you SURE you're not having twins?!" Cause I will beat someone if they ask me that. "Yes I'm sure! Well there ARE two in there, but one's DEAD and has been since month 2! Anymore questions asshole?!" I don't think God wants that to happen, so may be I'll just be a tiny cute girl. I'm totally fine with that I suppose!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
UPDATE!!
My Doctor's office called and said that my 2 part bloodwork (is that the triple screen? I so wasn't paying attention...) is back and normal! Baby is good! YAAAY! There is something to be NOT blue about. I really had no doubt that he was, but I wanted to partake in the testing because it included the US ;) It also showed that I'm anemic. I've always been borderline, but now I guess little butt is sucking away what I have left! As long as he has what he needs, that's just fine!

I also received my GIVEAWAY that I won from The Southern Belle Baby. I'm soooooooooo excited about the wheel because it tells me when I'll be certain weeks and when certain tests are and my due date and how preggo I'll be on my birthday (38 weeks, 5 days...) and Christopher and I can't stop playing with them at the Dr's office. Now we have our own! I felt kinda bad for getting the fertility yoga DVD, but I may need it again soon, or I may give it to a friend. I'm not sure yet ;) Thanks so much Jessica!!!! (and her handwriting is as cute as her wittle baby belly! SUPER)

O. M. G.

I did it. 136 comments. I did it. IRON COMMENTER BIATCHES! LOL! I actually really enjoyed it! I found and refound some great blogs and added a lot to my list over there on the left!

In the spirit of my fabulous bloggy week (100th post, blogoversary, iron commentor!) I'm going to show some fun very cool videos!!!

I want to get married again so I can do this!


I just saw this preview for the 1st time. I wonder if the book is at Walmart?!


Where are my TWILIGHT FANS?!?!?! The two new clips shown at Comic Con from the New Moon movie!

My Blogoversary!!!!!!!

Yaaay it's been one whole year! I've had such a fabulous time here on this blog. I've met some awesome people and read some AMAZING stories! I decided to compile some of my favorite posts for you to read!!!! :)

My Introduction. I haven't read that in a while... I'm refeeling those emotions as I read it. I was in such an awful awful place.

Some more of an introduction. I kinda giggle at myself. If I had known then what I know now... I was so frustrated after trying for 3-4 months after my first m/c.

One of my favorite lines about trying to relax and not worry about TTC: "But if you conscientiously make an effort NOT to worry about it, does it count when I think about not worrying about it?"

I'm still heartbroken over this.

My KuKd journey.

My mini-break, where I never breaked at all. Still did it, but just didn't take OPTs hahaha

My Diet Coke addiction. Yummy, formaldehyde!

1st time I got tagged!

What every angel mom goes through I'm sure, Failure. and PostSecret failure.

Meet my kids!

The universe was really against me for a while...

My nieces. I miss them SOOOOOOOO much

For fun- Some crazy xrays I showed during Show and Tell!

My Cindy as Ariel!!!!!!!!!

Rubbing the fertility statues post 1 and post 2!

My most controversial post. Probably my ONLY one...?

Our decision to adopt instead of IVF

One Year Miscarriage Anniversary

CD1! Starting Clomid!

Oh so funny...

National Infertility post, with LOTS of linkage!

MY BFP POST!!!!!!!!!!


Twins!

Two Heartbeats!

Only One Heartbeat :(

My 100th post, and I didn't even know it! LOL

The rest is pretty current, and you can find probably over on the sidebar.
I really didn't expect anyone to click all those posts, but it was neat for me to see myself evolve over the year!!!
Thanks so much to all my readers and commenters over the year! I couldn't have made this journey without you!!!!

Things I'm Learning From ICLW

I've learned a few things through ICLW as I've just finished my 10th comment...

1. I hate those freaking captcha thingies. I'm going to remove mine if I have one...
2. I REALLY hate the captcha thingys that pop up after you hit submit. I've usually already Xed out of the tab when I notice they pop up.
3. Someone like me getting pregnant one one round of Clomid is not considered infertile. That's okay. I totally get that. I hate being thrown into a category with 2 girls from work that have done IVF. It's not far. I think my big mission here in the blog world is my two babies that I have lost. my 15 months childless while trying were very rough, and the years and years before that when I ached for a child but wasn't trying yet sucked too, but I know my journey is nothing compared to a 10 year + journey, and I hope people know that I know compare them.
4. Pregnancy blogs have a LOT less comments...
5. I have no clue what the difference between IVF is, 5 day transfers, FET, etc. My head just swims when I try to read the difference. Is there an ART site for dummies that speaks English?!

Tomorrow is my Blogoversary! I am going to try to get started on that post now... Yeah right... ;)

Just Another Update Post!

I don't have any big huge news, and nothing too mew to report. Here are some things going on in my life!

-Those awful pains I was getting last week went away with one dose of Tylenol! Whoop whoop!
-We went camping this weekend. I climbed to the bottom to a waterfall with the hubster. And back up. The pains came back, but went away after a very nice long nap. When I do have them, I'll get a really intense cramp, no matter which way I lay down. Braxton Hicks already?!?! I need to slow down I think...
-I had a cute baby belly yesterday! Then I got an upset stomach and pooped and tooted it all away...
-While camping I think I may have felt baby... I just woke up one morning and was just laying on my back. Down where the little mischievous munchkin lays, I felt a turn over. And then a couple more. Seriously, like he was just rolling around. It was almost indistinguishable.
-I was up for about 3-4 hours last night burning up. I drenched my hair in cold water and it helped a bit. It was not fun... Insomnia and hot flashes... Perfect...
-I'm going for Iron Commenter this month. I usually SUCK at ICLW since i don't have my OWN computer. This month I'm doing it though! Ive found a couple digs that I dig ;) and I unfortunately have found myself quickly commenting and then getting the hell OUT OF THERE on twin pregnancy blogs... Even in bloggy world we have to protect ourselves I guess...
-My blood pressure at work yesterday was 90/60. Probably explains why I get so lightheaded and dizzy and tired so easily. I can't walk up my stairs in my house without getting winded. I had just come in from my car, and my pulse was 90+ and I could barely breath. The baby is stealing my blood! hehe
-I did my part 2 blood work for the NT scan yesterday. I have my next Dr. appointment on August 11th where I suppose I will hear the results, as well as my "big US". I'll have to pretend I haven't been getting them from my friends...

So I think that's pretty much it! Hope everyone is having a good week and a fun ICLW month!

July ICLW

Welcome to any new readers and HI! to my regulars! ;)

My name is Katie. My husband Christopher and I just celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary. We live in South Carolina with our two chihuahuas!

We are currently pregnant with a little baby boy (15-16w). He and his miscarried twin (7w) were conceived on our first round of Clomid. We also have an angel baby from March 08.

I feel so lucky to only dabble in IF. This pregnancy has been tough for me though since I miscarried IN this pregnancy but am still pregnant... It's a very strange feeling. I'm getting more and more excited and convinced that this may actually happen, and that's a relief.

In a couple of days I will be celebrating my blogoversary!!! I'll also celebrate my 100th post that I didn't even realize I did about 10 posts ago. Stay tuned for some fun flashbacks!

Thanks for stopping by :D
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Pity Party

In this post I will be complaining about pregnancy. I did not appreciate these posts while I was TTC, so I suggest that if you are TTC right now, don't read this. And if you do read it and are offended, that's your fault not mine, and don't tell me about it either because Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. Thank you!


This hurts. I knew that at like 7-9 months I'd be hurting, but this shit hurts NOW. This baby is all kinds of low. He's sitting on my freaking cervix, butt hole, and bladder. I haven't felt movement yet, but I keep getting this shocking pin needle like pains down low, and I'm pretty sure that is my hyperactive son playing bongos on my cervix, bladder, and any other nerve he can find down there.

I just want him to MOVE UP, get out of my pelvis, and give me a cute belly and a kick or two outside of the pelvic girdle! I look skinnier than before I was knocked up! Christopher says to not rush it, but I can't help it :( I'm ready for the fun pregnancy stuff. I'm tired of this not sleeping, peeing all the time, pain, morning sickness, and nothing yet to show for it.

People are a lot more considerate when there is a belly to blame. Anytime I just say "OWWW" in passing they say "oh stop complaining, just wait, blah blah freaking blah." Sorry bitch. Just cause I don't have a watermelon size belly yet DOESN'T MEAN there isn't a human inside of me already smushing my organs and ripping my abdominal muscles. Thanks!

Okay. Thanks. I just really wanted to vent and rant. I feel better now.

Oh and BTW I love my baby. I'm not being mean to him, really, I just would like for him to use some of the space he is privy too for his amnio-olypmics! Good thing he's so stinkin' cute...

My Little Boy and some FUN

So let's check out the ol' wive's tales. See what, according to them, is in store for us...

It's a boy if:
· You didn't experience morning sickness in early pregnancy
· Your baby's heart rate is less than 140 beats per minute
· You are carrying the extra weight out front
· Your belly looks like a basketball
· Your areolas have darkened considerably
· You are carrying low
· You are craving salty or sour foods
· You are craving protein -- meats and cheese
· Your feet are colder than they were before pregnancy
· The hair on your legs has grown faster during pregnancy
· Your hands are very dry
· Your pillow faces north when you sleep
· Dad-to-be is gaining weight, right along with you
· Pregnancy has you looking better than ever
· Your urine is bright yellow in color
· Your nose is spreading
· You hang your wedding ring over your belly and it moves in circles
· You are having headaches
· You add your age at the time of conception and the number for the month you conceived and the sum is an even number

It's a girl if:
· You had morning sickness early in pregnancy
· Your baby's heart rate is at least 140 beats per minute
· You are carrying the weight in your hips and rear
· Your left breast is larger than your right breast
· Your hair develops red highlights
· You are carrying high
· Your belly looks like a watermelon
· You are craving sweets
· You are craving fruit
· You crave orange juice
· You don't look quite as good as normal during pregnancy
· You are moodier than usual during pregnancy
· Your face breaks out more than usual
· You refuse to eat the heel of a loaf of bread
· Your breasts have really blossomed!
· Your pillow faces south when you sleep
· Your urine is a dull yellow color
· You hang your wedding ring over your belly and it moves from side to side
- You add your age at the time of conception and the number for the month you conceived and the sum is an odd number

Boy wives tales: 5
Girl wives tales: 8
(BTW if you're preggo, I tag you to do this craziness)

Okay... I had a friend do an US for me last week. She said "It's either a boy or a girl with a penis. Which one do you REALLY want Katie?!" I picked boy of course :)

Here's his little wang-doodle!


Here are his arms! (to which my dad said "no, this is his penis. He takes after me." OMG! THANKS DAD!!!!!!!!!!)


His wittle foot!


His alien face


His face and his hand on his face! (is he sucking on his fingers like his mommy still does at age 24?!)



I asked her about Baby A. She's still completely there. Bumble B here is just lounging on top of her sac like it's a dang mattress or something! Glad to know he's comfy. I told my mom that he's already practicing camping, sleepin on his air mattress. We got the giggles and our friend, the tech, called us crazy and sick.
She said for now my placenta is to the side, but once everything kinda spills out of my pelvis, it'll probably be anterior. Dang AP :( I won't be able to feel him for awhile...
She also said my cervix was nice and long! And she showed it to me. Def not what I pictured it looking like...

Today I had a Dr. appointment. Sunday I moved a patient and since then I have felt period-like cramps, soreness, my vagina and uterus felt like they were going to fall out, and I just wanted to hold my crotch. Last night I had this really bad cramp come and go. I thought about it and it sounded like a Braxton Hicks, but I'm way too early for that right? I mentioned this all to my Dr and she did a pelvic to check my cervix. Said all was shut, Yaay!

Honest Blog!

Loren nominated me for this fabulous award a while back, and I haven't gotten the chance or energy to post it! I'm so slack!

Here are the Honest Scrap stipulations:

1. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find interesting and engaging

2. Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog and leave a comment informing them that they have won the "Honest Scrap Award"

3. List at least 10 honest things about yourself

These girls are (SOME!) my Twitter Hoes! I love these girls so much! If your log name is here, and not your real name, there is a problem. You're going to need to tweet me immediately.

1. The Pifer Family -1st RE appointment tomorrow! Go wish them luck!
2. Ellen
3. Heather
4. In Due Time
5. Beautiful Mess
6. Geek By Marriage
7. Katie

Okay, now 10 honest things about me!

1. I will cut my nose off to spite my face.

2. I used to be short-tempered. This pregnancy has made me just plain ol' TEMPERED!

3. I really wanted a girl, but I'm getting used to the boy idea, and might end up being disappointed if it's a girl lol

4. I started violin when I was 5. I haven't played in a couple years, and it breaks my mom's heart. I was pretty pimp ass at it in high school.

5. I love Britney Spears.

6. Even though I like Britney doesn't mean I like only pop. I'm currently addicted to my Frou Frou pandora radio station.

7. I probably spend more time on my Blackberry than talking to Christopher at night before bed... Sorry babe :(. It's something I need to work on!

8. I hate being in trouble!

9. I think people that tell me our 2 cars (VW Bug and Jeep Wrangler) are unsafe or stupid to have with a baby are the stupid ones and should shut up. Our kids are going to think we're the coolest parents ever.

10. I've never wanted to travel. I'm pretty content just chillin in bed watching TV or going to the beach and passing out :)

A Real Baby...

Look at my little floaty baby over there... Scroll down a little... I'll wait... It looks like a real little person. A REAL BABY. Am I seriously pregnant with a REAL BABY?!

The other day at the beach I was laying down on my stomach on this inflatable raft that's about as long as my torso. All of a sudden I felt a finger length long teeny tiny tap where the baby is. Was that the Burger King or my real life baby saying "WTF MOM GET OFF ME". I mean, I was probably totally squishing him with the way my belly was perfectly mashing into the float.

I may have seriously felt a real live baby inside of my belly. Is this really happening? People ask me about day care and this and that and I have to say "honestly, I haven't thought that far." Because I haven't, I just am not believing it at all. I don't feel like I have a real live baby inside of me. I just feel like this cranky hungry girl that's nauseated half the time. But a baby maker?!

I can't wait to start feeling baby. I can't wait to feel like a pregnant girl. I can't wait to say I've been making birthing plans and day care plans and nursery plans. I can't wait to be excited about talking about this real live baby inside of me!

I'm quickly creeping toward my 14th week. 14!!! I can't believe it! Soon I'll be 15! Then 20! Then 30! Holy cow! Then I'll have a real live baby to hold and love. I really can't believe it...

Thanks For The Support!

I've enjoyed reading all the comments on my Private post. I wrote that while I was private, so I don't plan on closing up shop again. The drama day brought in 300+ nosy stalking readers, 3X more than my normal supportive readers on one of my good days, so that's the kinda scary stuff I was talking about! I LOVE hearing from yall though. Its so great to know that there are people out there reading what I have to say! :) It makes my day, seriously. With that said, my Blogoversary is in 18 days!! I can't believe everything I had gone through on this blog in a YEAR. I plan on going through and picking up some of my favorite "lines" and events and posting them. Mostly for me... LOL. But if you have a favorite post or picture or saying or vent, I'd love to hear it! I can't explain to yall how much you mean to me!!!!!

My Ruined Anniversary

We miscalculated our bills and paid too much, so we have NO money for this week. So instead of an anniversary dinner at a beach side restaurant we were going to have to go to Burger King. Then on the way to the beach we got a flat tire. A Fix-A-Flat AND one of those tar-cement plug things didn't work. So my dad and my husband are at the only open tire place getting 4 brand new tires put on while I sit here writing this post. I'm not so upset about the beach trip today, we are going to go tomorrow, but my heart was set on sitting on the beach with my husband watching the fireworks, especially since this is the last year we'd be able to do all that romantic stuff. But we can't afford 2 beach trips this weekend since we live outside of the Charleston area and it takes almost an hour to get there, imagine the gas... Then my mom gets mad at me for being in a crappy mood. SORRY MY ANNIVERSARY AND FOURTH OF JULY ARE RUINED. Ugh. SO we're having TACOS for dinner. On the US of A's birthday...

Although Christopher did just say "I know our beach trip was ruined, but I'm still happy to be here with you." Awww. It's true...

Private For A Little While

It kinda breaks my heart to do this. I enjoy getting comments from girls that say they've been lurking. IDK how many people read my blog, but unfortunately it will be cut short due to the private block.

There were a few things that brought me to this decision. One of the simpler reasons is the friend who I talked crap about in a previous post may have access to my blog now, and I kinda want to let her curiosity die down and either that post move out of sight or just delete it. I haven't decided.

The other reason is just ridiculous and sad. On TheBump.com yesterday I was utterly demolished by some real BITCHES. Some woman called me stupid and made her own post about wanting to smack me, and then someone emailed her husband and said she was psycho for what she was saying to me, and then every one thought I did it. I posted that I absolutely did not (although I'd love to pat the women on the back who did hehehe Karmas a real bitch, just like her), and then some girls started researching me through Google and my blog and told me they knew my real full name, my doctor's office's address and phone number and some other personal details. This girl posted a thread and she didn't think I seemed crazy enough to email this woman's husband. Then I was slammed for being "ignorant" about internet stalkers.

I never thought about editing personal info and pictures on the internet. I live in this naive little world where I didn't think people could be psycho. But they can be obviously, and now I'm freaked that some psycho women is going to wait for me at my next appointment and like cut my baby out of my belly or something. And I stick up for myself when I get hazed, especially for NO REASON!

So for a little while I will be on the DL while I try to remove my tracks from the internet and get these bitches off of my back.

NT Scan With Shocking Result!

This morning was my NT scan! My baby has the cutest nose in the entire WORLD!! The tech got lots of great shots of my little lazy baby! He figured, Mommy and Daddy are on vacation, so am I and didn't move for the US tech hehe. She said everything looked good on her end. I asked her to take a quick scan between the legs and low and behold. A penis!



This crappy scanner does zero justice. It's much more obvious on the real picture, and on the US screen. I tried to lighten it up a little for ya!


BTW I know this isn't 100%. I've gotten a new a-hole torn from Thenest.com about it. But for now, calling the baby a He helps me bond a lot. And posts from this message board have pretty much killed my excitement and I've forgotten the morning all together. I don't think calling this a boy is the worst crime I could have commited

This Week!

I am so excited about this week. Once this work day ends (3:30... 4 and a half more hours...) I will be off with my husband for a whole week! His job is having a 2 week mandatory shut down before their next big project. Thankfully his job is still going, and he just has to take a week off. And somehow I got all week off! So we are going to beach it up and spend lots of fun time together!

My NT scan is Tuesday morning at 8am. I can't wait to see that little baby! I'm having a hard time bonding with this baby. When I got pregnant the first time I instantly was just absolutely infatuated with it. When I found out I was having twins this time I was just so joyful. Then after I lost one of them, I've just had a hard time getting excited! Of course I love the baby, but when people say "Are you so excited?" I really just want to say "No it's effing scary." I want this US, not to check for Downs or other things, just so I can see my baby wiggling around and hopefully start to get over my hurt and start to get happy about being pregnant.

I love my doppler. I don't use it every day, but the baby is starting to move, so I'll find her, and then she disappears! LOL. It's great to know she's wiggling around, but it's hard to get a reading on her heartbeat. It's been in the 180s, but that day I couldn't get it for longer than 5 seconds and as high as my doppler would get was 120-130. So I was freaking a little. Christopher called me in the middle of it and I was like "I HAVE TO GO! YOUR CHILD IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!" Finally I got her to about 160bmps and gave up.

Not only am I spending quality time with hubster and Bumble B this week, our 5 year wedding anniversary is on Saturday, July 4th! I think we're going to make a beach day of it, go to dinner, and back to the beach for fireworks. I am really excited! I am praying it doesn't rain and it's a beautiful day!

Thanks for all the advice on my friend! I am going to send her some books that I LOVE to keep her occupied! She is taking pictures of everything with her phone and posting them on Facebook in her "Views From Bedrest" hehe. She's in great spirits and is officially in viable stage and getting steroid shots for her little man, Eli.

Nicole

My friend from my old BBC miscarriage/TTC board needs some prayers!

Last year she had a miscarriage, became pregnant again, and in November she went into PTL with her daughter at 26 weeks. Brie was born and passed not even 48 hours later. Nicole and her husband are pregnant again! She is now 23 weeks and started dilating and having contractions. She is now on strict hospital bedrest until the new baby boy makes an appearance.

She's nervous, obviously, and unfortunately with her awful history can't help but think about planning another funeral for another baby. She sounds to be in good spirits, especially after getting the news she can walk all the way to her inroom bathroom to pee instead of the bedside commode.

Please if you can spare some prayers send them her way. Her name is Nicole, her husband's name is Matt, and I don't think she has a name yet for her little man.

Also she's obviously pretty bored, and could use some ideas of some things to do. She has a Blackberry and surfing the Internet on it gets really old really fast (take it from me). The hospital has no Wifi. She's looking for some good book ideas! I want to send her a care package with some stuff to do, but I'm a little unsure of what to send! If you have been on bedrest, know someone who has, or just are really creative, please comment with some suggestions!

Just An Update

Nothing new has really been going on. I've been MIA, I know. I've been working A LOT, so I don't have much computer time, and when I do, I'm probably more likely to be hovering over the toilet than hanging out online. Here are a few things going on in my life!

-I had an OB appointment Tuesday last week. She didn't really do anything... I don't know what I was expecting...? We talked about the NT scan and I went ahead and scheduled it.
-I've had lots of fights with "friends" who have turned on me and been absolute middle school bitches to me. I'm so frustrated and really tired of being attacked and treated like a child. I know I shouldn't care what people think about me, but I can't help it.
-Work has been busy and just as bad of a rollercoaster.
-I got a new blackberry and opened a blackberry blog, SoBerryCute. It's a work in progress and is being neglected the last few days.
-I can now find the baby whenever I use my doppler! Her heartrate is always between 170 and 180!
-I woke up with a baby belly.
-I hit 11 weeks, and 12 weeks is creeping closer. I can't wait to have that giant sigh of relief.
-I avoid all blogs of people that lose babies after the 1st trimester. I don't even want to think about it.
-I'm trying really hard to bond with this baby. It's been hard since I lost the twin, but slowly it's coming back. hopefully my US next week will kick me in butt when I see that little cutie waving at me!
-Current Pregnancy symptoms- so tired, so hot, so cranky, so sick. I can't wait for the 2nd trimester!!!!! I can't wait to be so cute, so horny ;)

10 Weeks Tomorrow!

I can't believe I'm hitting the double digits with my pregnancy! I am one fourth DONE!

These past 10 weeks have brought me absolute joy, nervousness, frustration, absolute heartbreak, worry, throwing up, heartburn, hope, and absolute trust in the Lord.

Yesterday I had a minor freak out and made a nurses appointment to get a doppler. We were THIS CLOSE to getting an US, but the nurse FOUND IT! Thumping away :) What a great sound! I am very very proud of myself. That was honestly my first absolute freak out. Yes, I did have some break downs a couple weeks ago, but HELLO! One of my twins was DEAD and I was awaiting the news on how the other was doing. Having a miscarriage is awful. Having a miscarriage and awaiting the news on the other baby you're carrying is weird and scary. I did AWESOME that week compared to how I could have freaked.

Christopher and my mother gave me a hard time about yesterday, but I don't care. They didn't go through what I did and they do't know how I feel. Well, honestly Christopher did, but he sure doesn't act like it. Men and their penises. I wish they could borrow a uterus once in a while!

April Rose

I am so disappointed that this has turned out to be a hoax. It's ridiculous. I prayed and prayed for that baby and her family, and am just heartbroken that someone would play with people's emotions like that.

I don't know what to think of this Beccah woman though. She DID do His Will Wednesdays which I received tons of prayer requests from. I will forever be thankful for that.

It's an odd odd person that would claim and seem to be so incredibly faithful and then pull something like this? I honestly think that something has to be wrong with her. I really really pray that she gets the help that she so obviously needs.

Update- A few people are asking for some facts and evidence that I didn't even think about including. Here are a few sites that show some theories but also the pictures that they claimed were April were actually DOLLS!
http://littleaprilroseisfake.blogspot.com
http://littleaprilrosequestions.blogspot.com/

I Need Advice!!

My BFF is getting married Saturday. YAAY!! I'm so freaking pasty it's not even funny. I also wanted to refresh my hair color, but my Dr said no airbrush tan or hair coloring.

Is she just really conservative or was everyone told this?? Of course my baby comes first, but it's my BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING!! I've been waiting on this day since 10th grade. Almost 10 years later of them being together its finally happening. And I want to look freaking fabulous. I'm a dang bridesmaid for God's sake. I don't think pregnant women should look like crap. I think we'd feel a whole lot better about ourselves if we were allowed to do anything!

Sorry rampage. These hormones have been out of CONTROL this week!!!!

Update- "If you're not feeling attractive during pregnancy, the look of sun-kissed skin may do wonders for your self-esteem. The good news is that the ingredients in self-tanners are harmless, so it's fine to use them during pregnancy. These lotions and sprays are basically dyes that stay on the surface of your skin and won't harm your developing baby. Best of all, self-tanners have improved dramatically over the past few years, so you don't have to worry about looking like an extra from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory."
I'm doing it. I followed all the stupid rules my last pregnancy and this pregnancy and I still have 2 dead babies. It's not like I'm smoking or drinking a bottle of tequila. It's dang paint that stays on my skin for like 4 days. Of course, now that I saw my little virtual baby floating over there on my page I start to panic... Why can't think just be easy?! Women go through their pregnancies smoking, drinking, doing crack, and have no prenatal care and their babies are fine. It's so incredibly obnoxious and unfair.

Whirlwind Morning

After getting a huge migraine and going to bed, I woke up at 2am puking and rolled over and exploded my gel freeze head thingy, threw up again when I was getting ready for my appointment, flooded the bathroom on accident, on the way to the Dr realized my appointment was at 8 not 8:30, pulled over on the side of the road to puke...

Squishy Baby B (or Bumble B as he may also be referred. My mom's new name for him) is great, measuring on time, heart rate of 180.

I'm so happy that he's doing great, but it still doesn't feel real to me yet. I want to snap out of this so bad!!! I haven't been taking my happy/anxiety meds. I keep forgetting. I think I should remember AND double up ;)

Baby A is even smaller. I guess she's dissolving or just looks so much tinier since Squishy Bumble B is getting so huge. My doctor said that she will just dissolve and just because she passed doesn't mean anything will happen to B. She said if I ever feel worried to just come in and they'd check the heartbeat. I told her I'd see her every day! She also wrote me a RX for Darvecet (sp?!) for these awful migraines. Whoop whoop!!

Here is the US pic. He's just hanging out upside down like a little monkey. Kinda looks like he's waving doesn't it??? :)

Tomorrow's The Day

... That I get to see my little Baby B.

Thanks so much for all your thoughts, comments, and prayers. They mean SO MUCH!!!!!

I've got some symptoms coming back, but I've got an awful migraine too. I'm just ready to get this over with ASAP!!

8:30am couldn't come quick enough...

No Hope

I just feel like I have no hope. I'm not really sad or mad or happy or anything really. But I just don't feel like I will see a heartbeat on B on Tuesday at all, and it's annoying when my husband gets mad at me for saying it. I can't help it. It's not like I WANT my babies to all die and be a owner of a crappy uterus, but that's just the way I feel. I can't change it no matter how hard I try. My mom says to ask God to bless me. I did. I did the first time, and I did this time. 2 dead babies have resulted. Not saying He did it on purpose, but what's the point? He knows what I want and He'll do what He wants no matter what I say.

The Next Day

Thanks to EVERYONE for your support and prayers. I'm feeling a little better today. I can't explain one single bit how I feel because I don't think I know how I feel. I've never had this feeling before, that's for sure. I was so excited about two, but I was also very very nervous. In the end it will of course be easier. I don't have to worry about child care or car seats in my VW Beetle anymore. But I love both of them so much, and I miss A already and I would rather have her than anything else in the world. I would quit buying food and driving ANYWHERE to do ANYTHING to have them both...

I'll always miss A, but I'm really glad B is doing so well. I'm so scared though that on my next US at the doctor's office he won't be alive either. It's very hard to have ZERO say in any of this. It's hard enough giving up control, but having NO SAY at ALL?! That's rough. Especially when it has to do with my baby's life. Can't I just have my baby please? Can't I just have a happy and healthy pregnancy and have a happy bundle of baby at the end of 9 months?

I don't think I'll feel any better about this until I have my baby. I felt really at peace before this past US. I really believed this was it and I wouldn't miscarry again. Now I don't know anything at all. Anything can happen at any time. It may not be Tuesday and it may not be in 2 months. It could be at 20 weeks or 41.

I'm so so so thankful to my friend Kristin. She did this US for me. I've always asked her if she's ever scanned a friend and saw that there was no heartbeat and she said no. I was her first I guess. She was crying with me and spent a lot of extra time on Baby B showing me every single thing, even though I kinda don't remember half of it. She asked me if I wanted a picture of Baby A to have and I am so so glad she did. I have this picture forever now, and I will never forget her. You have no idea how it feels to have zero hard evidence of a passed baby and then have some for another. Just looking at her picture makes me smile because she is so little and cute. I will frame this and keep it forever. I am so glad my friend did this for me and I didn't learn from some mean B at an office. I feel bad that she had to be a part of this, but I'm so thankful that she was.

Baby B, Squishy, right one schedule, growing his little brain, yolk sac dwindling away, and heart beating strongly at 154.


Baby A, Babycakes, measuring at 6w3d, no heartbeat, still "living" on her yolk sac, not growing at all, a major measurable difference between herself and Squishy. SOOOO thankful to have this picture. I owe my friend a million hugs for giving me this gift.

Bittersweet Heartbreak

I had an US today at work. Baby B is measuring 7w5d and his heartbeat is 154 and Baby A is measuring 6w3d with zero heartbeat.

I'm obviously thrilled that B is growing and has caught up to his due date, but its majorly overcasted by the absolute heartbreak I'm feeling for the lost life of Baby A.

Please don't say "well at least you still have one" because it hurts almost as bad as my first miscarriage. I have a little hope but also major fear that the same thing will happen to the other one. Why wouldn't it? I've managed to kill 2 now, what's one more? I might as well have a margarita.

New Stupid Things...

...That People Say.

Last month I wrote a blog about stupid stuff people say about infertility. Well, I'm still getting stupid comments and questions.

I am absolutely in no way ashamed of my infertility experience. I am more than happy to talk to anyone about it that has questions or is curious. However, it really isn't anyone's business, and there IS a way to approach it.

When I tell someone I am having twins, the FIRST thing they say is "oh do twins run in your family, or were you on fertility drugs?" It's absolutely obnoxious. When I see people with multiples not ONCE has that question EVER popped in my head. It's so personal and private. ONCE I wondered if someone used fertility drugs when I was first introduced to Lauren's blog about her quadruplets. I read through her blog and she did not mention it, so guess what? I forgot about it. It wasn't my business and I didn't think about it again.

I answer that I took fertility drugs, and I haven't gotten any negative answers, but it makes me feel uncomfortable when people (especially men... is that weird??) ask me about it. When people just ask me if twins run in my family I just answer no. I give no extra information.

I've been reading lots of other multiple mommy blogs and this looks like something I will be dealing with forever, so I better get used to it!!

I'm really just annoyed that people these days do not respect anyone's privacy. It's utterly obnoxious.

In other news, I had the most awful migraine ever this weekend, and couldn't take anything. What pure torture that was... I also got a BellaBand yesterday! WOW the most amazing invention EVER!!!

May ICLW!

Just a little forewarning, if you came from ICLW and DON'T want to hear about pregnancy, hit the back button! I became pregnant since I signed up for this month!!!

Welcome ICLWers!!!

My name is Katie, I'm married to Christopher, and we are expecting TWINS!!! I am still very early in my pregnancy, so a little nervous, but surprising not as much as I thought I would be. I have been praying for peace, so I think God is definitely listening!

This blog is going to be primarily about my twin pregnancy, my husband, our pets, our March 08 heartbreaking miscarriage, and infertility. Thankfully I only dabbled a tiny bit into IF by getting pregnant one our first round of Clomid. I still have lots of friends that are still on this tough tough journey, and although I am pregnant, I still find myself very frustrated with the ignorance of the fertiles.

If you're pregnant with twins or have twins (or multiples!!!) please comment with your link, because I am a little intimidated on the cost of two babies and would really like to hear other experiences.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here are the US pictures I've been promising since Tuesday :)

Baby A is on the right, Baby B on the left


Baby A


Baby B


My appointment went well. It was so nice to FINALLY get blood take for pregnancy tests and fill out paper work because I am pregnant. It was nice to see them talk about different tests at different points in my pregnancy and to see MY BABIES' HEARTBEATS!!!

The babies are still measuring 5 days behind, just like I told that witch US tech. Baby A is actually the sac that I was concerned about a few weeks ago, and now she's bigger than Baby B! All of your prayers have worked! Now keep praying for them both, an B. His heart rate was 112, which the Dr said is okay, but she wants to see it over 120. But the babes were only measuring 5w6d, so their hearts JUST started beating THAT DAY, so I think 112 sounds pretty darn good. I bet it's just as high as A's today!

I am pretty sure A is a girl since she fertilized late (girl sperm being slower but living longer) and B being a boy since he fertilized first (being that boy sperm swim faster). And just cause I have a hunch. And because it would be so great if they were boy/girl! How fun would that be?