Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Things People Say

I'm coming up to TTC for a year and a half, and the comments are just ROLLING in.

I stopped talking about TTC at work because 1. It really is no one's business, and 2. I was tired of hearing "You're trying to hard, just relax" from people that have never ever been in my situation before in their lives.

The "trying too hard" is the most common comment I get and it makes me SOOOO mad. If someone wanted something really really bad, they would try really hard to get it right? A degree, a dog, a diet pepsi, a better golf swing, a better credit report, a new mattress, an early chemo appointment, a new car, etc etc. I could go on for hours. So what is so wrong with trying hard to have a baby? And I don't really see what the big difference is between trying and not. His you know what is in my you know where the same as if I was ovulating, trying or drunk. What's the big deal?!

My mother is trying really hard now not to say anything bad. Even after she told me play by play of a baby shower I skipped, she is trying. She said "you can't have a baby because I could never love anyone as much as I love you." Like I said, she's trying.

Yesterday at work a guy said his wrist hurt which just set the ball rolling for very inappropriate non-workplace jokes. Then I said "You should donate your sperm" and he said he wouldn't want his kids running around if he couldn't raise them. I told him he would make someone very very happy and he said "It's not my responsibility to help some misfit that can't get pregnant on their own" or something to that degree.

Yeah. Seriously. So I told him I was one of those misfits that he was talking about and that this was National Infertility Week and he needs to watch what he's saying cause that was NOT funny. I said some other things in my rant, but I don't remember. He promptly apologized and I think generally felt bad. I think if he was having an actual educated conversation he may have not said the same thing, but who knows.

By the way, I shook his Mountain Dew bottle up. A lot.

Monday, April 27, 2009

National Infertility Week

Is everyone enjoying basking in the glow of their IF this week? I didn't think so.

Ellen and I decided to drink tequila and wear cute non maternity dresses and stay out all night to celebrate. I think it's appropriate! The V List jumped out of planes. I don't have the guts for that!

I actually posted Resolve's Infertility Etiquette on my Facebook and have been getting positive feedback. Of course at the beginning I DID say if you don't like it don't read or comment, so I don't know if anyone hated it. After a huge fight broke out with the Infertility VS Paraplegia post... I went ahead and put a disclaimer. I also got my first "you're too young for infertility" comment yesterday.

If you've been following me on Twitter you will have seen lots of instances where I have just wanted to kick IF, or whoever is closest's, butt. First my mother went on for 30 minutes about every little detail of a baby shower I skipped. I skipped 2 this weekend, and I'm PROUD OF IT! My board's Question Of The Day was what plans do we have for Mother's Day. I responded Tequila ;) Also you will see a Retweet I tweeted of a girl who thinks the little cups that you put condiments in would be perfect of pee cups for dipping HPTs. Thank you for that, I'm on it! Also I am in a race to beat In Due Time to 100 followers, so if you have Twitter, FOLLOW ME!!!!

I also said some pretty big prayers last night for Stellan, April, and Kayleigh. (and of course my prospective child that may or may not be implanting tomorrow... <---awesome link BTW)

Tell me how you are celebrating IF week!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Molleigh Anna

I made a really hard decision this week. I gave Molleigh Anna to a new home with a new mommy.

Molleigh and Maddox spend all their time outside (thanks to Maddox. I'm sure Molleigh curses the day he became to big and obnoxious for the house) unless it's cold winter nights or storms. The summer they are stuck outside because our air conditioner is broken and it's cooler in the shade of the trees. Molleigh is the sweetest most loving little thing in the world. We rescued her when she was just skin and bones and showing signs of major abuse. We nursed her back to life into a caring sweet beautiful little girl.

She just doesn't get the attention that she deserves. Niether of them do. A friend of mine just got a fence built in her yard and was talking about wanting a dog and I said "take mine" and the rest is history.

This morning we took her to the vet to get all of her shots updated and took her over to her new home. I am really going to be sad to drive in and out of my driveway every day and not see her run up to greet me or say goodbye. But I know in my heart that I did the right thing. I can still go visit her and take Maddox over to see her (until I find him a suitable and lovable home) and I will see her new mommy every day.

People kinda think I'm a bad person for giving her up, but she deserves so much better than what she has at my house. Her new mommy even went straight out and spent 200 dollars on toys and treats and new shiny bowls for her. I'm so glad that she is somewhere she is going to be loved as much as she deserves. I really think I did the right thing, but I can't help but be a LITTLE sad to see her go!!!

Wow what a mess that house was in back then hahahahaha

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

My Mother...

My mom and I are still on weird terms from our fall out last week. I just decided to forgive and forget what she said and called her a few times. She just acts distant and what she does say to me is rude and ridiculous. Here are some examples.

Me: Christopher is starting a new anxiety medicine. He has been freaking out and having panic attacks a lot lately. He's really stressed I guess
Mom: Probably because he's trying too hard to get pregnant.
Me: OR He's stressed about our dogs, getting our house fixed, me being sick...

Me: OMG I FOUND MY CAMERA!!!!!!!! (she bought me this camera as an early birthday present in December and I lost it in January, which she was obviously upset about)
Mom: Did you find my DVD player?
Me: Ummm No I know where that is...

Me: Can I borrow your tent?
Mom: Why can't you use your other one?
Me: Well it's a pain to put up. I like yours cause it pops up like my broken one did
Mom: Well are you going to break it too?
Me: Umm noo.... I won't leave it out in the wind to dry...

It doesn't sound like much, but those are the 3 conversations we have had in a week, and that is pretty much as far as they have gone. I called her back after one convo to ask something, and she sounded like she had been crying, and I asked what was wrong and she said nothing. So IDK. I've tried. I kinda miss her... She has off today and she always calls me when she's off to see what I'm doing. Nothing. Christopher said that it will get better soon and get back to normal. I sure hope so. How am I going to tell her I'm pregnant if I get pregnant this cycle or ever if she doesn't even want to talk to me? I guess I will just go on with life and she will eventually come around? I don't know why SHE is mad at ME?! I didn't do anything! It is all very frustrating...

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


Hello ICLWers!!!
I've done this a few times, but never given a little hello. Thought I would follow the trend of introducing myself!

My name is Katie. I'm an xray tech and I also babysit a little boy who is almost 1. My husband is Christopher and he works for the government company that send our soldiers overseas their vehicles. He's the last inspector to check them off before they set sail! We both love our jobs, which I count as an amazing blessing. We live in Charleston, SC and have 4 dogs and 1 kitten!

We've been TTC since Dec 07. We went off of BCP and just wanted to see what would happen. In March we decided to really try, and I got pregnant. Then I miscarried at 5 weeks. We've been trying ever since, and I am now on my first round of Clomid. We've made the decision of going possibly as far as IUI but adopting instead of IVF, and we feel really great with our decision.

Thanks so much for stopping by! I can't wait to read your comments and visit your blogs!!!

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Sock Exchange!

Kym started a sock exchange this year! I've met some really cool bloggers through it all and really connected with some old friends! The socks are to represent the warm fuzzies that we feel through our bloggers friends and comments. My sock buddy was Jennifer. She sent me some super cute Hello Kitty socks! They are so adorable! Every time I see them and wear them I think about all of you who have given me great advice, support, or just a quick hello. It's crazy to know how many friends I have through the internet. It really is GREAT!

I sent socks to Ellen. It was so funny because as some of you may know, Ellen is a BFF! I was so so so stoked to be her buddy. We were discussing what kind of socks we liked and wanted so I definitely cheated! I think she was as excited as I when she got them!!!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Why I Love Her

Me: Have you ever thought about stealing a speculum, cathetor and syringe from work and do your own IUI?

Ellen: Hahahahahaha Not until now... F#!@ I've got a straw and some salad tongs... I could make it work

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Last Night's Follow-up

If you haven't read yesterday's post about my phone call with my mom, scroll down a little and read. I'll wait here....

Okay well first off I want to say thanks so much for all of the comments. I haven't talked to her yet, but now that I have slept on it and read your notes I feel like I should post again.

I posted last night literally within 5-10 minutes of the phone call and resulting hang up. I was really really upset and all of those feelings were real and raw. This morning I'm feeling a little less lost and emotional about it.
She texted me and asked me why I was mad. She doesn't know. She had a margarita at dinner and was actually a bit drunk. I don't for one second think that she didn't mean what she said. I know she did since people say what they really think when drunk. But I think she didn't mean to say it. I've known for a while that she thinks I should be over this. My mom had/has PCOS and she and my dad both were told they wouldn't be able to have kids. She just accepted it. She never really liked kids that much, and really wasn't upset about it. So even though she knows how much I love children and want a baby, I don't think she understands my sorrow and want.

Anyways I texted her back and told her what she said to me because she didn't remember, and then told her she really hurt my feelings and I never ever expected her to ever say that to me. She wrote back and said she has no clue waht she said and she was so so sorry for hurting my feelings etc. So I wrote HER back (lol sorry) and told her. She hasn't texted me since. So I don't know what's going on but I'm sure she'll call me later.

I don't think our relationship will be forever changed like I thought last night. I think I'll not be talking about the m/c with her anymore, but that is just one other person I suppose!

Thanks again so much for your comments. It made me feel better to know I had reason to be upset and to get a couple pieces of advice to forgive and forget. I'll let yall know what happens...

(Sorry for any typos in these posts. I'm on my phone, so no spell check or patience to look through myself lol!)

Monday, April 13, 2009

Absolutely Dumbfounded

I'll cut right to it.

I was on the phone with my mom and she said "weren't the pictures of Elizabeth's first Easter cute?" And I said "yeah its great seeing my friends all celebrate their babys' first holidays just like I should be doing" and she said...

"Oh get over it"

Yeah. Seriously. I can't believe it. I promptly hung up so that I wouldn't jeopardize the future possibility that I may ever talk to her again.

My mom is my best friend. We have been so so close. I can always go to her with and for anything. The fact that SHE said that to me has broken my heart and I feel pretty much alone.

And my husband is kinda on her side. He said that yes she really shouldn't have said that, but I shouldn't be mad at her, that she was right for getting upset when I said that.

So basically I have no one. Except Ellen, whom I texted asap and told her what happened. She's the only person who really understands me. And she lives 21 hours away. And you guys.

I mean am I being ridiculous?! SHOULD I be over this?! I mean, yeah it was an early miscarriage and most people don't count it as anything real, but I do and yeah, its has been over a year. But still. I got pregnant, lost it, and have been trying for a whole nother year with NOTHING. I think I deserve to be a little sad still???

Especially seeing my friends dye Easter eggs with their new babies, just like I should be doing?!

I am also so upset that I feel like my relationship with my mother has been altered. Forever. Its been a little strained in the last year because of the m/c and IF but I never in a million years expected her to say that to me. I'll never be able to talk to her the same. Not for a long time anyways...

I just feel really alone and sad right now.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Sisterhood Award!!

I was given this Sisterhood Award from Tiffany. She is so so sweet and her postings are always so positive and uplifting. I hope that one day I can be as at peace with her self and God when it comes to infertility, and every thing really.

Rules of The Sisterhood Award:
1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate 10 blogs with great attitude and/or gratitude.
3. Be sure to link to your nominees in your post.
4. Let your nominees know they have received the award by leaving them a comment on their blog.
5. Be sure to link this post to the person who nominated you for the award

1. Ellen of course because she's my sweet cheeks!
2. Loren
3. Liv
4. Mrs. R (great adoption blog if you're interested! Her daily tweets are just as great)
5. Nic
6. Where's Baby (What's your REAL name?!)
7. Alicia
8. Kelli (She's fairly new, go say Hello!)
9. Mrs. Gamgee
10. Parenthood For Me!

Monday, April 6, 2009

Day 1

So today is CD4. I went to the hospital yesterday to do my CD3 blood work and US. The stupid hospital wanted hundreds of dollars for a copay that I was NOT able OR willing to pay. So I had a bit of a breakdown afterwards going from "WE SHOULDN'T BE PARENTS" to "I HATE THIS PLACE" to lots of other comments and exclamations that I'm sure my husband thought were absolutely absurd. But he happens to be the best husband in the world and instead of getting mad at me for being upset, he stopped at the grocery store and got me my favorite kind of pretzels and a 2 liter diet coke!

I called the doctor on call and he said to be at the office at 8:30 this morning to talk to my nurse and doctor. When I pulled up, my doctor did as well (in a Lexus btw) and she said we could do everything this morning.

So I had CD4 blood work and US today and took my Clomid when I got home!

I am officially taking hormones to help knock myself up. Fun huh?? I also bought Christopher some Zinc to help with motility. My head is hurting a lot though. It has been hurting since CD1 and now is getting worse, if possible.

Friday, April 3, 2009

They're Here!

I went and picked up my Clomid today! It's CD1! So Sunday I will start! I guess I am going to take it at night because my US and BW is later and I'm not supposed to take it until after the tests. I'm so excited!

Christopher is NOT! I can be an evil witch at AF time, no drugs present. I can't imagine what hell he may face next week!

Also I got my SOCKS! Yaaaay I'm so happy. I don't feel so left out now LOL ;)

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Here we go!!

I had my appointment yesterday for my colposcopy. It was all beningn, YAAY!

So it's official! Clomid starts next cycle, which will be next week. Come on twins, Mommy is waiting on you!!!
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