Hello My Highly Missed Friends!

Yes, I have been MIA, but I miss you ;) Yes, you!

My laptop is broken. :( I so so sad. Tomorrow we are leaving for Missouri to see my nieces though! I am so so so happy and so excited!

AF started today, so my break is OVER. I didn't do half the crap on my list, but whatever. TTC will begin again!

I am doing much much better. I had one drunk mc meltdown, but it was short and the first one since July. And it was after hanging out with a pregnant friend. I even looked a friend's baby shower pics. I am totally good right now.

My bday is December 29th and for my whole life every 29th of every month I would announce how many months till my birthday. Well my m/c was on March 29th, and since then all I have thought was how many months it had been since my baby died... I figured my fun countdown had come to a stop. WELP! Not on Septmber 29th! I told someone the date and said "Oh! 3 months til my birthday!" and THEN remembered 6 months since the m/c. Yaaay I'm going to eventually heal one day after all, right??? :)

BTW, currently reading book 3 of the Twilight series... OMG who is in LOVE with Edward as much as I?!?!?!?!?!?!

Feeling Okay!

I have been feeling a lot better the last few days. It comes in waves I guess. I went to a movie yesterday with my BFF and 2 other really great friend, the pregnant one included, and I loved on her cutie little baby belly. I was pretty proud of myself. I said SOMETHING silly teasing around and she started to say "Hey, if you want it you can.... (or something to that effect...)" pointing to her belly, and then I think she realized what she was saying and I just laughed and someone said something else. If I was in a "bad place" last night I would have said "SURE I'LL TAKE IT" but it didn't really bother me. IDK. It was weird!

But on my list of ways to better myself I put join a small group, and we did, and at the prayer request time I asked for people to pray for me because I have been having such a hard time with the miscarriage (and I CRIED! I haven't cried about it in forever...) and I think it really has been helping! The power of prayer is AMAZING! Now I just have to get them to pray for me to get preggers hehehe

In TMI news, I started AF this morning, and I went to my old Babycenter board to see when I started last month, and my cycle was only 27 days!!! OMG! I've been having 35+ day cycles, and that was close to 28! I'm ecstatic. Hopefully that means my body is getting back to normal. I've read that after a miscarriage your body can take up to 6 months to get back to normal. It's been almost 6 months, so I guess it is true! Only one more month till we "try" again, although we haven't done anything differently, but whatever ;)

I'm going to start watching my friend's baby at the end of the month. I went by there yesterday, and that baby is the cutiest little baby in the WORLD!!! I just want to pinch his cheeks!!! He's adorable!!!

27 days until I get to see my nieces!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!

The list progress!

1. Start working out again.I mean, pretty much.
2. Start eating right. Only one helping of french fries since the list began!
3. Start studying for my registry and TAKE IT!
4. Become Sleeping Beauty They say your skin gets better before it gets worse, right???
5. Save some money.
6. Get my oil changed.
7. Go away with my husband! We had an AMAZING time camping this weekend, even if it was with other people. We had some extra special wine alone time Saturday night. Yummy.
8. May be look around for another part time job. I'm going to start watching my friend's new baby at the end of this month!
9. Spend more time with my girlfriends!!Drove over to my BFFs house last week because she was having the wedding blues (bridesmaid dropped out) and we went and took her puppy to the beach! And I didn't turn down a The Hills invitation, even when plans got changed later.
10. Be less selfish and get over all my friends being pregnant.
11. Join a small group at church.
12. Keep taking my medicine and vitamins. Well, the prozac anyways...
13. Be old Katie again!!

I can remember 1989, but not to do my Wii Fit!

Wow when I started this post I broke the A on my keyboard. I got it under control now. SHEW!!! That was close!!! I started to think about how often I actually use the A, and if it would be a problem. But after lots of bad words and throwing things, I fixed it! Woo hoo!!

Anyways, not much to report today! I am feeling a lot better, and I loved all the comments I got on my last (real) post. It was GREAT to see so many people that have been through what I have and make it on the other side alive and not in the looney bin. It gives me hope that I won't end up in a straight jacket before this is over! (Of course, it goes without saying I wish no one knew that feeling, but you know what I mean!)

Today I kinda just relaxed a reconnected with my young side. A couple weeks ago I purchased the Miley Cyrus cd (totally awesome, BTW) and today I watched High School Musical 1 & 2. They were pretty cute! I have to work for the next 4 days YUCK! I usually only work 2, but I guess I have to make the money to make up for that Wii some how!

Unless Hanna makes her way here on Friday and/or Saturday. She changes in the news every 5 seconds, so I won't know for sure until work tomorrow if I have to work or not. Of course I don't want it to be a bad hurricane, I mean who wants a horrible storm to come? But I would also like to not have to drive an hour to work in a category 1 hurricane. So if I don't have to, that'd be great! We have these little scares all the time, but I don't think I've actually been a real grown up that had a house and stuff to worry about! Our huge hurricane was Hugo in 1989 and I was 4!! All I remember is being at my grandmothers house and coming home to a tree fallen next to our house. It lifted up the fence between our yard and the niehgbor's and their grandson and I crawled in between each other's yards like it was the coolest thing in the world! Oh and my parents took a shower in the rain outside in their bathing suits. I remember that. I remember thinking they were so stupid. I recently told my mom this, and she said she thought I wouldn't do it because I was scared. Nope. Cause you looked like a lunatic mom. I also remember them blowing out a candle at night and I was scared because it was PITCH DARK! And I remember going for a walk and asking the electric guys when they would turn my electricity back on! Wow I have a great memory. :) Couldn't tell you what happened yesterday, but I remember September 1989!!

It's fun sometimes to reflect back on your youth and do youthful things. Keeps us young I guess. Reminds me of a simmpler time. Even though trees down, being scared about if my mom was alright because she had to stay and work in Charleston at the hospital, playing on my swing set and swinging into fallen trees, taking showers in the rain... I was being taken care of in all of those situations and I never really felt totally out of control. It's a peaceful feeling, being taken care of. May be a little Miley Cyrus and HSM does that for me. Reminds me of a simpler time. I do get a young feeling when I'm boppin along with those songs. Reminds me of the days my BFF Emily and I used to play Britney Spears in the car in high school on the way downtown to go shopping. We didn't have to worry about bills, just new sterling silver charms we could add to our charm bracelets at the Market!

ANYWAYS! That was fun ;) You should try it!

I have been slacking on my Wii Fit. And I have to work the next few days so that Wii Fit Board is going to give me a really really really hard time the next time I get on. The other day I had GAINED 3 pounds and he made me pick WHY I thought I had gained weight. What the heck?! Stupid board. and my husband had LOST weight. Isn't that just the icing on the cake? Mmmmm cake.... But seriously! I have been really good lately! I had french fries today just because I have been so good, but that is the only time I have been bad since I started this whole thing! Whatever. My weight changes every day depending on what I have eaten and if I have pooped, which I never do, so I'm not too worried about it I guess... I just need to be CONSISTANT on the things that I do and not slack off!

Hahahaha I can remember intricate details from when I was 4, but not to work out every day. Something is wrong there.... LOL

I'm getting FIT!!

How you may ask?!

I got Wii Fit!!

OMG My fitness age was 41!!! I'm 23!!! LOL. Says my BMI and weight is average, but I still want to lose 9ish pounds. SO here's to staying on tract with my new fun video game that I called all over Charleston to find!

We're going camping this weekend, so you probably won't hear from me! Have a fun and safe labor day weekend!!

Yummy, Formaldehyde!!!

Well my first day on my list wasn't too bad! A friend of mine had her baby a few months ago and was wondering if I could keep him 2-3 days a week. Hey, I never work during the week, and I just put that on my list to look for a part time job! Woo hoo! I'm definitely considering it!

For lunch I got a Chic Fil A Caesar wrap and a fruit cup instead of french fries (I love french fries more than anything...) and a bottle of water instead of Diet Coke.

I quit Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi for a while right before I got pregnant too. That aspartame turns into formaldehyde in your body and that makes all those stupid little dimples in my butt. Learned that in Skinny Bitch! They didn't put it so lightly though... I think their exact words were (sorry for the language) "Scientists use it for disinfecting and preserving. They don't f*cking drink it! May be that's why you're *ss is so big is because you're preserving your fat cells!" Quitting formaldehyde combined with working out made me look HOT!!! earlier this year.

Yeah, but... Since I am mentally unstable right now, I think cutting out my aspartame caffeine addiction would just put it over the top. May be later. I mean, it's only like 1 or 2 a day. I WAS drinking like 5! In the Behavioral Health wing of the hospital I work in there is a smoking room for the patients. I went in there once to xray a woman who had swallowed 2 safety pins at her mental institution (is that the politically correct word??) and saw it. What HOSPITAL has a smoking area for its patients?! Exactly. If you can't take tobacco away from suicidal metal eaters in fear of... whatever, you can't take away my formaldehyde. I just love it tooooo much! Store all my fat cells if you want! That zingy feeling on my tongue is just too good!

Taking A Break

Sooo if you saw the last post, I had a busy busy weekend, so I have 18 ICLW comments to do today! I have done.... 1. Hahaha! If you don't know what ICLW is, check out the yellow rectangle on my sidebar. It's fun ;)

So this month and next month I WILL NOT be TTC. Not like I would get pregnant anyways (Sorry sarcasm Katie came out...). "WHY?!?! ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!" You may say... WELL my BFF forever is getting married on June 6th, 2009. If I get preggers this month (hahahaha! Sorry, expect sarcasm a lot this post), my EDD would be THE WEEK of her wedding. NO WAY am I missing her wedding or am I going to be 9 months pregnant and absolutely miserable in a Charleston outside summer wedding in a tight little (beautiful!!) bridesmaids dress that she has chosen. So this month and probably next I'm not TTC.

Wow. That is weird... You know, this journey has only been 6 months long... It feels like forever. I am so so lucky to have been pregnant at least once. I wish it had a better outcome, but I loved that little baby more than anything in the world. It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Right? I believe so. I was happier that week than I have been in my entire life and I wouldn't take that joy away for anything.

I hope that I can have as much excitement and joy the next time I get pregnant and not be a nervous wreck the whole time. I want to be naive and happy again!!

So I need some plans for the next two months. Something to take my mind OFF of TTC and make my life better for a future TTC and baby!

1. Start working out again. When I got PG I was so fit and happy about it!
2. Start eating right. I eat like crap. I might make today my last day to go to McDonald's and enjoy a unhealthy rat-mcnugget!
3. Start studying for my registry and TAKE IT! I have been to scared and nervous about it, and I really need to have it done before I bring a baby in this world. So here we go! After my trip to McD's, I will crack a book... Or not. Tomorrow I will ;)
4. Become Sleeping Beauty. Brush my teeth and wash my face every night before bed.
5. Save some money. Hmm 10% of each paycheck?
6. Get my oil changed. It's been over a year.... oops
7. Go away with my husband! I won't be able to for a while after a baby!
8. May be look around for another part time job. I don't get enough hours at the hospital. This one may be a far stretch. That's what the "May be look" is for!
9. Spend more time with my girlfriends!! I think that is pretty self explanatory! Pregnant ones included!
10. Be less selfish and get over all my friends being pregnant. That might take a little more effort than the rest, but I want to do it!
11. Join a small group at church.
12. Keep taking my medicine and vitamins. I would have super uterus by now if I had taken my prenatals every day for the past 5 months! And I have to stop forgetting the prozac. Not having it makes me non-functional.
13. Be old Katie again!!

Yaay I am SO excited!!!!! (OMGosh I just realized! 13 is my lucky number! This will be GREAT!)