Day 1

So today is CD4. I went to the hospital yesterday to do my CD3 blood work and US. The stupid hospital wanted hundreds of dollars for a copay that I was NOT able OR willing to pay. So I had a bit of a breakdown afterwards going from "WE SHOULDN'T BE PARENTS" to "I HATE THIS PLACE" to lots of other comments and exclamations that I'm sure my husband thought were absolutely absurd. But he happens to be the best husband in the world and instead of getting mad at me for being upset, he stopped at the grocery store and got me my favorite kind of pretzels and a 2 liter diet coke!

I called the doctor on call and he said to be at the office at 8:30 this morning to talk to my nurse and doctor. When I pulled up, my doctor did as well (in a Lexus btw) and she said we could do everything this morning.

So I had CD4 blood work and US today and took my Clomid when I got home!

I am officially taking hormones to help knock myself up. Fun huh?? I also bought Christopher some Zinc to help with motility. My head is hurting a lot though. It has been hurting since CD1 and now is getting worse, if possible.

They're Here!

I went and picked up my Clomid today! It's CD1! So Sunday I will start! I guess I am going to take it at night because my US and BW is later and I'm not supposed to take it until after the tests. I'm so excited!

Christopher is NOT! I can be an evil witch at AF time, no drugs present. I can't imagine what hell he may face next week!

Also I got my SOCKS! Yaaaay I'm so happy. I don't feel so left out now LOL ;)

Here we go!!

I had my appointment yesterday for my colposcopy. It was all beningn, YAAY!

So it's official! Clomid starts next cycle, which will be next week. Come on twins, Mommy is waiting on you!!!

Awful Dreams

I dream A LOT. Most mornings I wake up feeling exhausted, not rested, because my mind was working all night long. I have nightmares a lot. When I was planning my wedding I had the WORST dreams about things that weren't ready yet. Like I had a dream one night that the guys never got fitted for their tuxes and they all showed up looking like clowns! They had different colored ties and vests than each other, some guy's jackets were way to big and some guy's pants were way too short! I have dreams about my BFF's wedding too! Sometimes I dream about awful awful things that event thinking back on them now make me want to throw up. And they are so so real it's sickening. Barf.

Two nights ago I had a dream that I lost a baby at 40 weeks and no one would monitor her while I was in labor. And I had a dream that I forgot to get all my blood work, US, and start Clomid on day 3. I called to see if I could start a day later. It was awful. I'm not stressing about it! I'm SO EXCITED about starting Clomid. Really weird.

Christopher and I have been talking even more about adoption and we are really really excited about it. It may be something that we might do even if we can get pregnant!

To Be Excited

I think I'm ready.

I think I am done being sad. I am ready to be happy again.

I am not so worried about my colposcopy tomorrow like I probably should be, because all I can think about it CLOMID! I am so so excited. I have officially (I guess?) been diagnosed Infertile and all I can do is be excited. It's weird. I know this could not work for me, but that part of my brain is being shut out by my excited part. I don't know what the deal is! I'm not even thinking about getting pregnant this month because I'm so excited about next month.

How crazy am I? I know there will be side effects. I know I'll gain probably 10 pounds. I know I'll be even more hormonally psycho than I am now, but I just am so excited. I don't know why!

On the m/c front, I am working the night shift the 28th, so I will be sleeping all day the 29th, the one year anniversary of my miscarriage. I really can't think of a better way to spend it. Sleeping it alllll away.