Molleigh Anna

I made a really hard decision this week. I gave Molleigh Anna to a new home with a new mommy.

Molleigh and Maddox spend all their time outside (thanks to Maddox. I'm sure Molleigh curses the day he became to big and obnoxious for the house) unless it's cold winter nights or storms. The summer they are stuck outside because our air conditioner is broken and it's cooler in the shade of the trees. Molleigh is the sweetest most loving little thing in the world. We rescued her when she was just skin and bones and showing signs of major abuse. We nursed her back to life into a caring sweet beautiful little girl.

She just doesn't get the attention that she deserves. Niether of them do. A friend of mine just got a fence built in her yard and was talking about wanting a dog and I said "take mine" and the rest is history.

This morning we took her to the vet to get all of her shots updated and took her over to her new home. I am really going to be sad to drive in and out of my driveway every day and not see her run up to greet me or say goodbye. But I know in my heart that I did the right thing. I can still go visit her and take Maddox over to see her (until I find him a suitable and lovable home) and I will see her new mommy every day.

People kinda think I'm a bad person for giving her up, but she deserves so much better than what she has at my house. Her new mommy even went straight out and spent 200 dollars on toys and treats and new shiny bowls for her. I'm so glad that she is somewhere she is going to be loved as much as she deserves. I really think I did the right thing, but I can't help but be a LITTLE sad to see her go!!!


Wow what a mess that house was in back then hahahahaha

Spring Has Sprung!

Thanks everyone for the supportive comments on yesterday's post! I got home and in bed at 8am and fell immediately asleep and woke up at about 4. Then Christopher brought me some fruit loops (thanks for the idea Ellen!) and made me spaghetti and let me pick out whatever movie I wanted to watch. So we watched Twilight. Again.

I just took my our lab Molleigh for a walk to the mailbox. We live on a dirt road and it's .5 miles from the head of the road to our house. So Molliegh dragged me the whole way there and back and my leg muscles are twitching so bad!!! I never ever work out, so a mile walk is HUGE for me. I really need to lose some weight, so may be I can make this a regular thing. I have 5 dogs, so a different dog a day! But it was so so pretty outside and I just smelled flowers everywhere! It's nice and warm today too. Although Molleigh has obviously forgotten how to walk on a leash, I think she still had fun!

Here are a couple pictures from our walk, and then some previous pictures I have taken of our land and house! Most of them are cell phone quality, sorry!


Here's Molleigh on our walk!




Our house and front yard




Christopher walking ahead on our driveway! Georgie my Beetle Bug is in this pic too ;)


Here is Kain, Maddox, and Molliegh. Kain is Christopher's BFF's dog that we are keeping for a year and a half. The BFF is stationed in North Dakota and can't have the dog in a single soldier barrack, so here he is at our house. So I now house 5 dogs and a cat! BTW Kain is NOT pooping n this picture, he's going to sit down.


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BTW- I still have not received my socks for the sock exchange :( That makes me kinda sad...

Show And Tell (Plus, SA results, I think?)

I did this video a long time ago of my dog Cinderella and my other dog Prince Charming. I don't know why but it makes me laugh out loud every single time I watch it. I know it's kinda dark, but it's my favorite thing ever.




This is my new kitty cat, Cisco and his twin borhter Simon who was adopted by my mother in law. I dunno which one is which and I don't know where one ends and the other begins. Sorry for the super crappy phone camera quality.




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In non-pet realted news, I called the doctor's office for the 4th time today and they said they will discuss our SA results with us at my next appoint (the 16th) but the doctor would have called if there was anything significant. So I guess that's good. They annoy me.

PLEASE HELP! I can't find my BG info ANYWHERE AND now my header is not centered! I need serious blog-genious help...

Meet The Kids

Not in much of a blogging mood. I have a great new topic coming up about why I don't hate babies, but I'm not really up for writing it yet. Stay tuned (as I told Mon hehehe) ;)

So for today, meet my children. Cinderella Louisa (Cindy), Princetopher Charming (Prince), Molleigh Anna, and Maddox Miller. Cindy is my little girl chihuahua. She loves loves loves clothes and is Mommy's girl. I think I love this dog more than I love my husband... Prince is our other chihuahua. He's a big baby, and definitely a mama AND daddy's boy! Molleigh is my lab mix. She was abandoned and was skin and bones and skiddish and a nervous wreck. Now she's as crazy and happy as the other 3. Maddox is the newer addition. He is a boxer, and Daddy's boy. He's so so lovable. He's a lot bigger now, I need new updated pictures of him. He hasn't lost that sweet puppy face though!!!












Currently we are all just sitting tight and seeing what tropical storm Hanna is up to! Every 5 minutes she changes course and could be upgraded to a Hurricane Category 1 at any moment. She's almost right by us, so I think the worst of it is over!!! Not too bad. I'm really eying Ike. He looks like a mean beast!!

**Edit- Christopher asked "How come I'm in some of the pictures and you're not? Am I one of the children?" Yes dear, more than you'll ever realize.... hehehe

Okay fine... here is one of me and Cindy (when I was brunette. yuck.) I call this...

PUPPY LONGSTOCKINGS

Failure

It's so funny to me to watch myself go through the stages of grieving. I mean, I'm pretty much at the end, but when the miscarriage first happened, I remember the guilt, anger, and sadness feelings that I learned in school. It was weird to see myself going through all of those things. Now I am just trying to figure out how to get past all of this.

I am still so so so sad about losing my baby, but I don't think that is the big issue right now. I think I figured it out a little yesterday. I am really upset about being such a failure. I feel like a failure.

Let me start from the beginning of my reasonings. I always get what I want. Any guy I ever wanted bad enough, I got. Anything I want bad enough, I get. I'm a go getter. I will go and get whatever I want if my mind is set on it. I had the biggest crush on my husband when I was 17 and I told his mom and my mom that I was in love with him and we would get married one day. I knew the day I met my 10th grade boyfriend that we would go out. We were best friends for like a year, and then one day he came to his senses :) I wanted to get a boxer the day I got Maddox so bad that I drove 100 miles one way and when the guy didn't show up, I drove 100 miles the opposite way to get a different one. When I know I want something I go for it.

When I was growing up all I ever wanted to do was get married and have babies. I see people that I haven't seen in years and they ask how it's going and if I still want 8 kids. Okay, I don't think I want 8 anymore, but I do want to be a mommy! That is all I ever wanted in life was to be married, in love, with kids. I met the man of my dreams, and I love him more than I could ever imagine, so now it's kid time.

So we decided to get pregnant, and I was freaking pregnant when we decided and didn't even know it! I told you! I get what I want!

And then I lost her.

I feel like a complete failure. I have failed my husband, I have failed my parents and his parents, I failed giving my nieces a cousin, I failed my own dreams. I am a complete and utter failure. I mean, geez, it wouldn't be so bad if it was just the dumb dog or 10th grade boyfriend, but my BABY?! It's like an extra slap in the face and punch in the stomach. My biggest fear now is that I will fail again. How in the WORLD could I make it through another loss? I don't think I could! I don't know how I would handle it. And not just in baby-making, everything! I am too afraid to do anything. Hence probably why I haven't taken that dang xray registry. I don't want to fail again. It sucks way too bad.

I sound like a spoiled little brat that gets everything she wants, but I don't mean to. Just being a mom is the one thing in life that I wanted to do more than anything else in the world and I failed at it. That is a major blow to the ego. it's like I suck at being a woman. Isn't that what women are supposed to do ultimately?! Women activists aside, a woman makes the babies. Okay, to be fair, I did make one... But I sure as heck couldn't seem to provide for it.

Not only did I fail myself and every one else, I failed my baby.

KuKd

Monica from Knocked Up Knocked Down kills me. She's so freaking hilarious. She's the kinda blog writer I like to read :)

She made a little pictorial of her KuKd journey, so I thought I would too!!! (Definitely read her blog for her definition of Knock Up, Knocked Down.)

awww fun Katie and her sister in law! February! No more BCPs, but not really thinking much about baby yet..... Just seeing what happens!! She's so happy and so carefree... I miss her... Fun Katie and SIL...

In Atlanta for a Rad Tech conference sending kisses home to my husband!!! March 2nd, month of KuKd. Totally oblivious to the HELL that will soon be falling into my lap (or toilet...) in less than a week. Aahhhh so naive... (Phone pic, sorry for quality!)

Almost Easter! At CVS getting our passport pictures done for our Rad Tech Registry applications. We were both pregnant here and didn't even know it yet!!!! (another phone pic!)

Awww pregnant me. All tired and knocked up... That is my niece Regan. Her mommy was buying a new car and I was trying to keep this hell-fire child sane and under control. I remember being so so so scared of picking her and her little sister up.... (once again, phone pic...)

One week after miscarriage. Ignore the date. It's wrong. Oh and look! It's Kelly! Still pregnant! Her baby shower is next weekend. She's having a boy. His name is Jarrett. Hmm. Wonder when my baby shower would be. What I would be having. What it's name would be?!

April 29th. One month after miscarriage. First totally drunken night after miscarriage. Huge giant miscarriage drunk meltdown alllllll the way home from Wild Wings! Isn't my husband hot?!

Maddox, possible whole-in-heart-filler-upper? Probably. If he didn't eat poop.


Sometime this summer. Just found out that another friend of mine is pregnant. On accident. Not planned. Has 2 kids already (one just turned 1). Totally happy for her, but now I'm pretty sure God is making me wait my turn through this long long line of people I know who have JUST had babies getting pregnant again before I'm up again. BTW that is a fake smile.

Few days ago trying on bridesmaids dresses with my BFF, bride-to-be, Emily. Looking like my normal Katie there. Very refreshing picture.... Real smile.