Things I'm Learning From ICLW

I've learned a few things through ICLW as I've just finished my 10th comment...

1. I hate those freaking captcha thingies. I'm going to remove mine if I have one...
2. I REALLY hate the captcha thingys that pop up after you hit submit. I've usually already Xed out of the tab when I notice they pop up.
3. Someone like me getting pregnant one one round of Clomid is not considered infertile. That's okay. I totally get that. I hate being thrown into a category with 2 girls from work that have done IVF. It's not far. I think my big mission here in the blog world is my two babies that I have lost. my 15 months childless while trying were very rough, and the years and years before that when I ached for a child but wasn't trying yet sucked too, but I know my journey is nothing compared to a 10 year + journey, and I hope people know that I know compare them.
4. Pregnancy blogs have a LOT less comments...
5. I have no clue what the difference between IVF is, 5 day transfers, FET, etc. My head just swims when I try to read the difference. Is there an ART site for dummies that speaks English?!

Tomorrow is my Blogoversary! I am going to try to get started on that post now... Yeah right... ;)

Just Another Update Post!

I don't have any big huge news, and nothing too mew to report. Here are some things going on in my life!

-Those awful pains I was getting last week went away with one dose of Tylenol! Whoop whoop!
-We went camping this weekend. I climbed to the bottom to a waterfall with the hubster. And back up. The pains came back, but went away after a very nice long nap. When I do have them, I'll get a really intense cramp, no matter which way I lay down. Braxton Hicks already?!?! I need to slow down I think...
-I had a cute baby belly yesterday! Then I got an upset stomach and pooped and tooted it all away...
-While camping I think I may have felt baby... I just woke up one morning and was just laying on my back. Down where the little mischievous munchkin lays, I felt a turn over. And then a couple more. Seriously, like he was just rolling around. It was almost indistinguishable.
-I was up for about 3-4 hours last night burning up. I drenched my hair in cold water and it helped a bit. It was not fun... Insomnia and hot flashes... Perfect...
-I'm going for Iron Commenter this month. I usually SUCK at ICLW since i don't have my OWN computer. This month I'm doing it though! Ive found a couple digs that I dig ;) and I unfortunately have found myself quickly commenting and then getting the hell OUT OF THERE on twin pregnancy blogs... Even in bloggy world we have to protect ourselves I guess...
-My blood pressure at work yesterday was 90/60. Probably explains why I get so lightheaded and dizzy and tired so easily. I can't walk up my stairs in my house without getting winded. I had just come in from my car, and my pulse was 90+ and I could barely breath. The baby is stealing my blood! hehe
-I did my part 2 blood work for the NT scan yesterday. I have my next Dr. appointment on August 11th where I suppose I will hear the results, as well as my "big US". I'll have to pretend I haven't been getting them from my friends...

So I think that's pretty much it! Hope everyone is having a good week and a fun ICLW month!

May ICLW!

Just a little forewarning, if you came from ICLW and DON'T want to hear about pregnancy, hit the back button! I became pregnant since I signed up for this month!!!

Welcome ICLWers!!!

My name is Katie, I'm married to Christopher, and we are expecting TWINS!!! I am still very early in my pregnancy, so a little nervous, but surprising not as much as I thought I would be. I have been praying for peace, so I think God is definitely listening!

This blog is going to be primarily about my twin pregnancy, my husband, our pets, our March 08 heartbreaking miscarriage, and infertility. Thankfully I only dabbled a tiny bit into IF by getting pregnant one our first round of Clomid. I still have lots of friends that are still on this tough tough journey, and although I am pregnant, I still find myself very frustrated with the ignorance of the fertiles.

If you're pregnant with twins or have twins (or multiples!!!) please comment with your link, because I am a little intimidated on the cost of two babies and would really like to hear other experiences.

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Here are the US pictures I've been promising since Tuesday :)

Baby A is on the right, Baby B on the left


Baby A


Baby B


My appointment went well. It was so nice to FINALLY get blood take for pregnancy tests and fill out paper work because I am pregnant. It was nice to see them talk about different tests at different points in my pregnancy and to see MY BABIES' HEARTBEATS!!!

The babies are still measuring 5 days behind, just like I told that witch US tech. Baby A is actually the sac that I was concerned about a few weeks ago, and now she's bigger than Baby B! All of your prayers have worked! Now keep praying for them both, an B. His heart rate was 112, which the Dr said is okay, but she wants to see it over 120. But the babes were only measuring 5w6d, so their hearts JUST started beating THAT DAY, so I think 112 sounds pretty darn good. I bet it's just as high as A's today!

I am pretty sure A is a girl since she fertilized late (girl sperm being slower but living longer) and B being a boy since he fertilized first (being that boy sperm swim faster). And just cause I have a hunch. And because it would be so great if they were boy/girl! How fun would that be?

Hi!!!!!!

Hello ICLWers!!!
I've done this a few times, but never given a little hello. Thought I would follow the trend of introducing myself!

My name is Katie. I'm an xray tech and I also babysit a little boy who is almost 1. My husband is Christopher and he works for the government company that send our soldiers overseas their vehicles. He's the last inspector to check them off before they set sail! We both love our jobs, which I count as an amazing blessing. We live in Charleston, SC and have 4 dogs and 1 kitten!

We've been TTC since Dec 07. We went off of BCP and just wanted to see what would happen. In March we decided to really try, and I got pregnant. Then I miscarried at 5 weeks. We've been trying ever since, and I am now on my first round of Clomid. We've made the decision of going possibly as far as IUI but adopting instead of IVF, and we feel really great with our decision.

Thanks so much for stopping by! I can't wait to read your comments and visit your blogs!!!

I'm probably going to make some enemies...

I'm probably going to make some enemies with this post, but it's my blog and I'll say what I want.

I'm having a great time with ICLW this time. It's been a little while since I have done it, and I am enjoying seeing some blogs I didn't before. Some of the stories are AMAZING.

However I have seen a little trend in blogs and on babycenter alike. Women that have never gotten pregnant and they are MAD that they haven't had a miscarriage. Are you freaking kidding me??? For example, there is a girl on babycenter and her signature says "No angels, no m/c, no BFP EVER!".(I have not been back) Holy cow. Would you like to have a dead baby??? I know infertility hurts. It hurts a lot. I've been trying to get pregnant for over a year. It's not fair, it's frustrating, it hurts a lot. BUT NOTHING IN THIS WORLD hurt EVEN CLOSE to how bad it hurt when I lost my baby.

I don't give a rats butt if I had an early miscarriage. All I've ever wanted to be in my whole entire life was a mommy. I wanted to get married young and have lots of babies. I have people tell me that all the time that they remember when I was little that that's all I ever wanted to be. I love babies more than anything. I have been surrounding myself with kids for as long as I can remember. When I found out I was pregnant, I was the happiest girl on earth. I fell immediately insanely unconditionally in love with that baby. I didn't stop smiling ONCE. I was FINALLY going to be a mommy and I was finally going to have a baby of my OWN. And then when that was just ripped away from me I almost died. I wanted to DIE. I was absolutely uncontrollably SAD that I can't even sit here and explain it.

I know I have a long way to go to be in some of these people's shoes, TTC for years and such, and I know it's shitty and I am so so sorry that ANYONE has to go through this. But I would rather not be able to get pregnant for a long time than ever go through what I went through. I probably sound really naive, but people that actually complain about not having a miscarriage, never having seen a BFP??? SERIOUSLY? You can HAVE my BFP and all the months I cried at a drop of the hat and all the months that my body has been screwed up and the friends that have babies that were born when mine was supposed to. Go ahead. Look at their pictures and pretend that you are happy for them when YOUR baby is supposed to be doing the exact same thing. You can have all the times I flushed my baby down the toilet that week. You can have all the times I had to tell people "oh I'm not pregnant anymore" and you can have all the guilt I have for never knowing if my baby was really okay or killed by my body. Would you want some of my friends' situations?? Carry your baby for 40 weeks and have the baby die the week you're due? Or have the doctor tell you that there is no way your baby is going to survive and having to make the decision to go ahead a deliver? Go through labor and deliver your DEAD baby? Go to your 12 week US and see that your baby died THE DAY BEFORE? Have multiple miscarriages? Feel your baby move in an ambulance and by the time you get upstairs to L&D your baby no longer has a heartbeat? HAVE AT IT. Because it sucks and I don't want it, and I'm sure anyone who has been through it doesn't either.

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Okay so anyway! Christopher's SA is today! I think he's nervous now. He was okay with it until yesterday when he actually realized what he's going to have to do. But he's a trooper. He wants a baby as much, if not more, than I do.

Taking A Break

Sooo if you saw the last post, I had a busy busy weekend, so I have 18 ICLW comments to do today! I have done.... 1. Hahaha! If you don't know what ICLW is, check out the yellow rectangle on my sidebar. It's fun ;)

So this month and next month I WILL NOT be TTC. Not like I would get pregnant anyways (Sorry sarcasm Katie came out...). "WHY?!?! ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!" You may say... WELL my BFF forever is getting married on June 6th, 2009. If I get preggers this month (hahahaha! Sorry, expect sarcasm a lot this post), my EDD would be THE WEEK of her wedding. NO WAY am I missing her wedding or am I going to be 9 months pregnant and absolutely miserable in a Charleston outside summer wedding in a tight little (beautiful!!) bridesmaids dress that she has chosen. So this month and probably next I'm not TTC.

Wow. That is weird... You know, this journey has only been 6 months long... It feels like forever. I am so so lucky to have been pregnant at least once. I wish it had a better outcome, but I loved that little baby more than anything in the world. It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Right? I believe so. I was happier that week than I have been in my entire life and I wouldn't take that joy away for anything.

I hope that I can have as much excitement and joy the next time I get pregnant and not be a nervous wreck the whole time. I want to be naive and happy again!!

So I need some plans for the next two months. Something to take my mind OFF of TTC and make my life better for a future TTC and baby!

1. Start working out again. When I got PG I was so fit and happy about it!
2. Start eating right. I eat like crap. I might make today my last day to go to McDonald's and enjoy a unhealthy rat-mcnugget!
3. Start studying for my registry and TAKE IT! I have been to scared and nervous about it, and I really need to have it done before I bring a baby in this world. So here we go! After my trip to McD's, I will crack a book... Or not. Tomorrow I will ;)
4. Become Sleeping Beauty. Brush my teeth and wash my face every night before bed.
5. Save some money. Hmm 10% of each paycheck?
6. Get my oil changed. It's been over a year.... oops
7. Go away with my husband! I won't be able to for a while after a baby!
8. May be look around for another part time job. I don't get enough hours at the hospital. This one may be a far stretch. That's what the "May be look" is for!
9. Spend more time with my girlfriends!! I think that is pretty self explanatory! Pregnant ones included!
10. Be less selfish and get over all my friends being pregnant. That might take a little more effort than the rest, but I want to do it!
11. Join a small group at church.
12. Keep taking my medicine and vitamins. I would have super uterus by now if I had taken my prenatals every day for the past 5 months! And I have to stop forgetting the prozac. Not having it makes me non-functional.
13. Be old Katie again!!

Yaay I am SO excited!!!!! (OMGosh I just realized! 13 is my lucky number! This will be GREAT!)