Frustrated

So I'm on thebump.com and this girl is actually complaining about her friend who just had a miscarriage because her friend doesn't want to hear about her pregnancy. She is so incredibly insensitive about it, it's sickening. She's wondering if she is in the wrong or her friend, and all the girls say her friend is wrong.

I lost friends when I wasn't pregnant after my miscarriage. It sucked and I know it wasn't fair and I feel guilty for it, but it had to be done. And I have a friend who has ditched me completely since I have become pregnant, and yes it hurts A LOT, but I can't blame her one bit.

I would never in a million years wish a miscarriage on ANYONE, but I would wish these stuck up ignorant whores one MINUTE of the worst pain I felt through my miscarriage. They have no clue what it felt like to flush their baby down the toilet and then watch the people closest to them parade around with their bellies and joys.

Just because we get pregnant doesn't make IF or loss ANY easier or better. I still get pissed when I read about this kind of stuff. I even get upset still when I see my friends' babies' picture that were due when I was due. I get jealous sometimes when I see belly pictures. Totally stupid, I know, but it happens. It never ever goes away...

Pity Party

In this post I will be complaining about pregnancy. I did not appreciate these posts while I was TTC, so I suggest that if you are TTC right now, don't read this. And if you do read it and are offended, that's your fault not mine, and don't tell me about it either because Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. Thank you!


This hurts. I knew that at like 7-9 months I'd be hurting, but this shit hurts NOW. This baby is all kinds of low. He's sitting on my freaking cervix, butt hole, and bladder. I haven't felt movement yet, but I keep getting this shocking pin needle like pains down low, and I'm pretty sure that is my hyperactive son playing bongos on my cervix, bladder, and any other nerve he can find down there.

I just want him to MOVE UP, get out of my pelvis, and give me a cute belly and a kick or two outside of the pelvic girdle! I look skinnier than before I was knocked up! Christopher says to not rush it, but I can't help it :( I'm ready for the fun pregnancy stuff. I'm tired of this not sleeping, peeing all the time, pain, morning sickness, and nothing yet to show for it.

People are a lot more considerate when there is a belly to blame. Anytime I just say "OWWW" in passing they say "oh stop complaining, just wait, blah blah freaking blah." Sorry bitch. Just cause I don't have a watermelon size belly yet DOESN'T MEAN there isn't a human inside of me already smushing my organs and ripping my abdominal muscles. Thanks!

Okay. Thanks. I just really wanted to vent and rant. I feel better now.

Oh and BTW I love my baby. I'm not being mean to him, really, I just would like for him to use some of the space he is privy too for his amnio-olypmics! Good thing he's so stinkin' cute...

My Ruined Anniversary

We miscalculated our bills and paid too much, so we have NO money for this week. So instead of an anniversary dinner at a beach side restaurant we were going to have to go to Burger King. Then on the way to the beach we got a flat tire. A Fix-A-Flat AND one of those tar-cement plug things didn't work. So my dad and my husband are at the only open tire place getting 4 brand new tires put on while I sit here writing this post. I'm not so upset about the beach trip today, we are going to go tomorrow, but my heart was set on sitting on the beach with my husband watching the fireworks, especially since this is the last year we'd be able to do all that romantic stuff. But we can't afford 2 beach trips this weekend since we live outside of the Charleston area and it takes almost an hour to get there, imagine the gas... Then my mom gets mad at me for being in a crappy mood. SORRY MY ANNIVERSARY AND FOURTH OF JULY ARE RUINED. Ugh. SO we're having TACOS for dinner. On the US of A's birthday...

Although Christopher did just say "I know our beach trip was ruined, but I'm still happy to be here with you." Awww. It's true...

Disgusted

I am absolutely disgusted. I am almost in tears at the moment by the way some people in this world behave.

I was using the Google Machine (IDK why I call it that. It makes me laugh) for 2010 TTC blinkies and came across a baby-gaga.com forum and there were these two girls talking about trying to get pregnant and then continued on talking about how they smoke marijuana to regulate their cycles and ease their cramps. Another girl called them on it and they attacked her and continued to say how they probably won't quit smoking while they are pregnant because there is no evidence that suggests that harm is done to the fetus and one girl goes as far as saying that her BOYFRIEND (not husband, not fiance... not judging sorry, but this girl is obviously immature) 's mom smoked when she was pregnant with him and he's fine and creative. I am not making this crap up. I am serious. So I wrote them back and said

"May be y'all should grow up before you try to get pregnant. That lifestyle wouldn't be healthy for a baby. And really pisses of people that can't get pregnant and would give a baby a good home.
And please visit the March Of Dimes so you can see what smoking does to fetuses. Low birth weight and early birth is not a joke. They can both be life threatening. Y'all obviously aren't mature enough to put another life ESPECIALLY YOUR CHILD'S before you're own. Just wait awhile."

It absolutely INFURIATES me that these kind of girls are getting pregnant and I can't. I'm still trying to process Alicia's blog that I read yesterday from October that she wasn't approved for adoption because she sought medical attention for depression stemming from IF but MONSTERS are able to have and keep all the children they want. It is exactly right. I am just so absolutely heartbroken that a child is going to be born into these peoples' lives one day and that baby is going to grow up in a horrible family and house and will grow into exactly what they know and probably treat other people just as bad. I don't have the most stable household in the world but it sure as hell is better than THAT. My friend Ellen has been told that she probably will never be pregnant and have her own children unless through a 3rd party or adoption. Sharon is going through her umpteenth IVF and it's not looking positive. Alicia, Ellen, Sharon, and I are just 4 very tiny small examples of why this whole thing is just SCREWED UP. I just don't understand why this happens at all. There can be "bad things" in the world but why does bringing poor defenseless babies in horrible homes while there are wonderful homes and parents praying every night for them? I really don't get it at all.

Here's the link if you want to see and/or bitch for yourself- http://forum.baby-gaga.com/about551838.html and read Ellen's blog for her updated post. We're going to be a internet-bitch-slap-team-to-save-babies!