To Be Excited

I think I'm ready.

I think I am done being sad. I am ready to be happy again.

I am not so worried about my colposcopy tomorrow like I probably should be, because all I can think about it CLOMID! I am so so excited. I have officially (I guess?) been diagnosed Infertile and all I can do is be excited. It's weird. I know this could not work for me, but that part of my brain is being shut out by my excited part. I don't know what the deal is! I'm not even thinking about getting pregnant this month because I'm so excited about next month.

How crazy am I? I know there will be side effects. I know I'll gain probably 10 pounds. I know I'll be even more hormonally psycho than I am now, but I just am so excited. I don't know why!

On the m/c front, I am working the night shift the 28th, so I will be sleeping all day the 29th, the one year anniversary of my miscarriage. I really can't think of a better way to spend it. Sleeping it alllll away.

Do Dreams Really Come True?!

My mother always told me never tell a bad dream before breakfast or it will come true.

Well I have told 2 people this dream so far, and this blog will hopefully tell one bajillion more!

I had a dream I was pregnant again!

I have had a few of those in the past couple months, but this one was so real!! I dreamed I was walking around Nordstroms (NEVER been there! Don't even know how I know of that place) and it was a baby store and my husband and I were picking stuff out with another couple friend of ours who was pregnant with a boy. Hehehehe She's not even close to wanting to get pregnant, but I thought that was funny. Then I started cramping so we left. But I check my underwear (WEIRD HUH?!) and it was okay. So we went home. And I texted a couple friends and said "We are pregnant again! Pray that this one will work out!" Work out? Like it was a job offer or something? :)

So there is my dream. I'm telling it before breakfast so it will come true! Now that I have had the dream, I am in that "HAVE TO GET PREGNANT" state. I need to stop. There is nothing I can do about it. It will happen when it happens. I woke up this morning having major anxieties about old medical bills (migraine, CT, and miscarriage bill) and an old Target credit card and my husband's and my student loans. I'm thinking about doing a debt consolidation. But there was nothing I could do at 5am, but I was totally freaking out.

I think I need to start my Prozac up again.