I had even more dreams last night! SO VIVID! Not pregnancy related though, but oh well. Vivid dreams were a PG symptom for me, so hopefully that is a good sign!! I am really getting my hopes up this month, and I really shouldn't, but I can't help it. I think if AF comes I will just have to drown my sorrows in a bottle of wine. Won't be the first time.
I went shopping today. SHHH. I really don't have the money to do that, but whatever. I got another Emily Giffin book, Baby Proof, and a Jane Green book, Second Chance. I am excited about reading The Jane Green one. IDK how I feel about the baby one yet... Sometimes reading about stuff like that makes me sad, sick, and blue. I might read the Jane Green one first....
When thinking about reading this baby book, I started thinking about my EDD. It is November 30th. If I'm not pg again by then, I think I will just be sitting in a deep whole of despair. SOO I decided that Christopher and I should go on a trip. I won't feel up to working, going out with friends, and if I go out I will just drink myself in to the hospital, so I think a relaxing couple of days with my husband somewhere other than here would be the best.
QUESTION: For women that got pregnant again after their loss, was the loss "easier"? I hope that it will at least take my mind off of it... I don't know though! Some opinions would be great :) Thanks!
BTW A friend of mine (Ellen who writes My So Called Life, link on the right) works in the NICU and said a woman just had a healthy baby girl after 10 miscarriages, 2 stillbirths, a baby born at 23weeks that lived 3 days and a baby born at 24 weeks that lived one month. Could you imagine? I don't think I would have been able to get past a couple of miscarriages. It's amazing the strength that God can give us when we need it the most!
I had a talk with God the other day. I have been having an issue since my miscarriage. 2 days before my miscarriage my hormones took over and I was bawling my eyes out screaming "God PLEASE take care of my baby, don't let anything happen to my baby, keep my baby safe." I was absolutely distraught. People probably thought someone had died if they had seen me in my car. Well someone did, I just didn't know it yet... Anyways, since then I have had a hard time asking God for anything. My mother in law and I flew to Missouri in July and I wanted to ask God soooo bad to keep us safe, but I was so scared that if I did, that the exact opposite would happen. I have had a couple of other moments that I wanted to ask for something along those lines, but stopped because I was way to scared that it would jinx me. I hate feeling this way, so I asked God to please just put me at peace with that, and let me be able to trust myself to talk to Him again. I haven't felt as "lost" since that day.
I need help with a lot of things. I graduated from xray school in May and I need to take my registry exam but I am so scared. I have been to scared to do ANYTHING since my miscarriage. I am so afraid that I will fail. I am too scared of disappointment I guess? I don't know how to fix that at all. What do I pray for?
7 years ago