21 Weeks Today

Sorry I have been MIA. I haven't had much computer time or any real big updates to talk about!

Bumble B is still moving like crazy. He finally found the top 4-5 inches of uterus he's been ignoring and now I feel him higher than ever! He's really growing on my heart ;)

I have to say that this week, I am so so so thankful to my husband for giving me this baby! I just want to hold him now and play with him, but I know he has a good while to still bake.

The husband and I have both started dreaming about our live baby. His hair is dark and he likes baths and naps and has the sweetest laugh in the whole wide world. I can't wait to meet him!

BTW, we have shrunk ;)

20 Weeks!!!

I am halfway done! I can't believe it! This is such a major milestone for me! I don't know if it is to all preggos out there, but this is so tremendous, and I'm not really sure why! 20 weeks just sounds PREGNANT to me! Like this is totally 100% real, and I am nearing the end. I seriously in all honesty never thought this moment would happen. This morning on my way to work the baby was having a 20 week party in my uterus. he was dancing and celebrating for sure! I think it tired him out because he's been sleeping for the last hour or two. This was a day I never thought I would make. In a month I will hit viability, and there may actually be a chance that I will have a real live baby soon. Wow!

Things I am experiencing, because I know you're DYING to find out!
1. I found stretch marks on my new beautiful baby boobies. Boo.
2. I'm turning into one of those paranoid freak moms. I registered for a breathable bumper, won't be using a positioner, and will have moving air in nursery at all times. I don't mind "leashes" because the thought of my child being snatched right from my hand scares the crap out of me. I sent a scary scary crash test baby video to my in laws because they think car seats are stupid. They're stupid...
3. My belly button is stretching. I have an outie in an innie and the innie part is starting to come out a little and there is another tiny innie under the main innie that you couldn't see unless you moved the big innie out of the way. Gross I know. Plus the bottom hole of my past belly button piercing is no longer IN my belly button. It's above it.
4. I have a HINT of a linea n-whatever. The dark line that cuts your belly in half. It's really low, not all the way to the mutant button yet.
5. 2nd trimester was supposed to be full of energy and sex? No way. I am so freaking tired I could die and sex? You have GOT to be kidding me. You know when you're constipated and have a huge poop stuck in your butt? That's what it feels like in my vagina. Go away leg humping husband.
6. Babycenter and TheBump newsletters jinxed me. I wasn't having midnight leg cramps until those biatches sent me about 28 emails warning me about them. Thanks y'all!
7. Baby boy showed off his man business Monday. On his uncle's birthday. I think that was a sign he's going to take after his Uncle M who never passes up a chance to chase my husband and his friend around with his wiener, delighting in their girlish screams and attempts to hide in closets and under tables with their poor faces covered.
8. Bumble B doesn't want to give all his love away yet. Definitely a mama's boy! He only kicks for me, and when daddy puts his hand on my belly, it's over. I'm considering exclusively breast feeding so he'll love me more than anyone else. How evil is that?
9. I realized that Caffeine Free Pepsi really doesn't taste bad. It almost tastes just like Diet. the hubster got me the wrong kind. I was so desperate I drank it anyways, and now if that's the only option, I have no qualms cause it's JUST as yummy!
10. Bumble B likes Sweettarts!!!!!

Frustrated

So I'm on thebump.com and this girl is actually complaining about her friend who just had a miscarriage because her friend doesn't want to hear about her pregnancy. She is so incredibly insensitive about it, it's sickening. She's wondering if she is in the wrong or her friend, and all the girls say her friend is wrong.

I lost friends when I wasn't pregnant after my miscarriage. It sucked and I know it wasn't fair and I feel guilty for it, but it had to be done. And I have a friend who has ditched me completely since I have become pregnant, and yes it hurts A LOT, but I can't blame her one bit.

I would never in a million years wish a miscarriage on ANYONE, but I would wish these stuck up ignorant whores one MINUTE of the worst pain I felt through my miscarriage. They have no clue what it felt like to flush their baby down the toilet and then watch the people closest to them parade around with their bellies and joys.

Just because we get pregnant doesn't make IF or loss ANY easier or better. I still get pissed when I read about this kind of stuff. I even get upset still when I see my friends' babies' picture that were due when I was due. I get jealous sometimes when I see belly pictures. Totally stupid, I know, but it happens. It never ever goes away...

US and Registering!

Yesterday was our anatomy scan and doctor's appointment. The US went great. On my end anyways... Little Bumble B is a constant wiggler and squirmer, which of course I knew and I love. However, making for a good anatomy scan, is not so great.

Everything that she could get looked GREAT. However she could not get a good enough shot of his 4-chamber heart or his LSpine because he's breach, sitting on his butt, legs Indian style, chillin with me. I think he might be a good lap sitter ;)

So UNFORTUNATELY I have to have another US in 4 weeks! I'm glad of course, because I love seeing that cute jackolantern face. I'm not too worried about the heart because I have seen the 4 chambers before. A little worried about the spine because the friend who did the US on Friday couldn't see it either. I know it's his position, but it still worries me a bit. I'm sure spina bifida could have been detected at the 12 week scan when he was sleeping like a log. And surely my friend would have caught it at 14 weeks. My BW for the baby and neural defects came back fine. I know they can be false negative and positive, but I wasn't worried. And he's moving his legs, so that's a good sign...

I'm sure it's nothing, but what mom isn't really a mom if she doesn't worry once in a while... Or all the time?!

Yesterday he also made a HUGE roll over and scared the living bajeesus out of me! I was just laying down, watching TV, hand on my belly and BAM! I jumped 10 feet! It was CRAZY. When will I get used to THAT?!

We also registered yesterday. OMG I was SPENT when we were done. I don't think I got out of bed the rest of the afternoon. We registered at Babies R Us and Target. We decided on a bedding that we liked a lot online but weren't sure about. We liked it a lot more in person. Plus it'll be easier and cheaper (on our part) than the pirate theme we were considering since we'd have to buy everything online from boutiques and stuff ourselves. The pack and play I want though is unfortunately only online. But may be a far away relative will get it and have it shipped. That'd be nice ;)

Here is a pic from my US. My absolute favorite. The past two scans he's been constantly sucking on that thumb! I LOVE it!
(Click for a larger view!)

Survey and Awards!

How far along? 18 weeks and 4 days!
Total weight gain/loss: I lost 15, I think I've caught back up? I'll find out tomorrow at my Dr's appointment!
Maternity clothes? I love the pants. The panels are so comfy. IDK if I ever want to wear button up jeans again for the rest of my life hehehe
Sleep: Is disturbed at least 2 times because I have to pee. Sometimes I get really crappy insomnia and I'm awake for hours
Best moment this week: Feeling the baby kick from the outside. It scared the crap out of me! LOL
Movement: Lots when I'm sitting or laying still. A few good slugs felt from the outside. Hubster is totally left out though. Can't wait for him to catch one!
Food cravings: Sweets
Gender: Boy!
Labor Signs: No thank you.
Belly Button in or out? Well, I have an innie in an outie. It's still in there, but it's spreading a little, and I can see more in there than I could before
What I miss: A vodkarita. Drunk sex.
What I am looking forward to: Getting a big belly!
Weekly Wisdom: Eat before bed because at 18 weeks, you'll still puke n the morning if your stomach is empty!
Milestones: Heartbeats, movement, 2nd trimester, 5th month! :)

Here is my 18w4d belly pic, a bit bigger than 2 weeks ago!


Katie over at The Happy Hours knit and sent Austin this super cute hat with a Jeep on it, jut like his dad's ;) She's so creative! By far my favorite baby present yet!




I was nominated for this award by 4 bloggers! Thanks to Mrs. Bee, Michelle, Unproductively So, and Tammy!



I'm supposed to nominate 15 new blogs. I do have some new ones or refound ones that I love... How about just checking all my blogs over on the left hand?! They all have been nominated just about anyways LOL!
I'm especially loving The Southern Belle Baby and Journey of Faith. So those two are my official blog award winners!

Eli!

A few weeks ago I posted about a friend being on bed rest. She was admitted into the hospital on STRICT bed rest at 23 weeks weeks with preterm labor and an incompetent cervix.

Yesterday, after being dilated 6cm and having contractions for DAYS, she gave birth to little Eli, 3 lbs 6 oz and was 16 1/4 inches long at 29w2d! He was born CRYING!

He is only on room air and a CPAP. His CPAP pressure has been decreased from 6 to 4 and if he continues on this AMAZING track, he'll just be on a nasal canula in a couple days! He is also sucking on a pacifier! He's doing GREAT and I couldn't be happier for Nicole and her husband Matt!

Nicole is seriously my hero. She had the most positive attitude on bed rest for 6 weeks. She never stepped a foot outside the month of July. She was still in great spirits when she was dilated 6cm for days and days, having contractions on and off. she's truly a testament on you will will do ANYTHING for your child. I didn't hear her complain ONCE!

Thank you everyone for prayers and advice you gave me and Nicole. I am so so thankful that Eli is so healthy and hopefully his NICU stay will be short and sweet and she will get to take her beautiful healthy boy home VERY soon!



If you would like to leave Nicole any love, you can comment here or her Twitter (@anmdils)! Thanks :)

UPDATE August 6th! Eli is OFF of ALL breathing assistance and breathing ON HIS OWN without a nasal cannula, oxygen, ANYTHING! He is getting breastmilk through his feeding tube and Kangaroo time with his mommy! He's doing amazing! Thanks for all the prayers and good wishes!

God Said Wiggle, And He Wiggled

A year ago I posted an entry about being afraid to pray. I've kinda experiencing that again. I prayed and prayed for the twins and lost one. I quit praying and Bumble B's been fine since.



But in recent posts you've seen I haven't been all fine. I've felt kinda lost. The husband and I are having some pretty icky financial problems and a couple huge fights. Not feeling the baby and not feeling pregnant really just iced the cake. I've just been down.



So 2 nights ago I asked God to help me. I think He was just waiting on me. Ever since this baby has been wiggling nonstop and I feel it all!! That night I was reading and I felt a kick from the outside. And this time I knew it wasn't bowel or gas. It was for sure him. Ever since, he's been rockin and rollin in my belly. Remember that whirlpool game you played when you were a kid? You just go in circles in the pool as fast and as hard as you can to make a whirlpool? That's what he was doing! He learned it from his daddy at 12 weeks. So not only is he wiggly but he's smart with a great memory too!!! ;)



So God answered my prayers. It happens.



BTW, what was the flutter/butterfly feelings I was told I would get?! Forget that, these are nudges and flips! Now I'm really not disappointed at all about not having a belly. If I wasn't so thin I may not be able to feel him, especially that initial kick from the outside. I'm sure he was saying "cheer up mom! I'm in here!"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Feeling Blue + an IMPORTANT update!

I've just been feeling a little blue. For one, I had morning sickness today. WTF is up with that?! I'm almost 17 weeks! Don't mix grapes and Capri Sun...

I'm really bummed about not showing. Like I said, I'm almost 17 weeks, and I'm ready for a baby belly. I think I'm just having a really hard time getting excited. I really don't believe that this will happen. Do you ever get that feeling? I remember in high school about to graduate "this will never ever happen. I can't believe it. something bad will happen, I won't graduate." Then when I was in xray school I remember the semester before we started clinicals, "This will never happen. I can't see myself at clinicals. Something's going to happen." That's how I feel about this baby. I really don't see this happening at all. I don't know if it's the twin thing or what. I felt totally excited at the beginning of my pregnancy, but now, I just don't. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my baby. I love reading about what he's doing every week and how big he is (even though you can't tell...) and I love seeing him on an US. But besides that, I feel nothing. I'm just ready to start showing and start feeling him move around. May be then it will feel more real to me?

Here is my 16-17 week belly picture. Nothing exciting. LOL. The little munchkin is where my hand is. The girls on my BBC board (who are 85% all mommies and most seem to have forgotten what it feels like to be a freaked out pregnant girl) say my uterus goes up to my belly button, no matter where the baby is. I beg to differ, because I've had an upset stomach for a week, 2 weeks now and that is definitely all bowel and it's moving a LOT. I've always had a bit of a pooch, and I look skinnier than ever!


The only thing I can guess is that God is going to give me one of those little little bellies so that people don't say "Are you SURE you're not having twins?!" Cause I will beat someone if they ask me that. "Yes I'm sure! Well there ARE two in there, but one's DEAD and has been since month 2! Anymore questions asshole?!" I don't think God wants that to happen, so may be I'll just be a tiny cute girl. I'm totally fine with that I suppose!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
UPDATE!!
My Doctor's office called and said that my 2 part bloodwork (is that the triple screen? I so wasn't paying attention...) is back and normal! Baby is good! YAAAY! There is something to be NOT blue about. I really had no doubt that he was, but I wanted to partake in the testing because it included the US ;) It also showed that I'm anemic. I've always been borderline, but now I guess little butt is sucking away what I have left! As long as he has what he needs, that's just fine!

I also received my GIVEAWAY that I won from The Southern Belle Baby. I'm soooooooooo excited about the wheel because it tells me when I'll be certain weeks and when certain tests are and my due date and how preggo I'll be on my birthday (38 weeks, 5 days...) and Christopher and I can't stop playing with them at the Dr's office. Now we have our own! I felt kinda bad for getting the fertility yoga DVD, but I may need it again soon, or I may give it to a friend. I'm not sure yet ;) Thanks so much Jessica!!!! (and her handwriting is as cute as her wittle baby belly! SUPER)

O. M. G.

I did it. 136 comments. I did it. IRON COMMENTER BIATCHES! LOL! I actually really enjoyed it! I found and refound some great blogs and added a lot to my list over there on the left!

In the spirit of my fabulous bloggy week (100th post, blogoversary, iron commentor!) I'm going to show some fun very cool videos!!!

I want to get married again so I can do this!


I just saw this preview for the 1st time. I wonder if the book is at Walmart?!


Where are my TWILIGHT FANS?!?!?! The two new clips shown at Comic Con from the New Moon movie!

My Blogoversary!!!!!!!

Yaaay it's been one whole year! I've had such a fabulous time here on this blog. I've met some awesome people and read some AMAZING stories! I decided to compile some of my favorite posts for you to read!!!! :)

My Introduction. I haven't read that in a while... I'm refeeling those emotions as I read it. I was in such an awful awful place.

Some more of an introduction. I kinda giggle at myself. If I had known then what I know now... I was so frustrated after trying for 3-4 months after my first m/c.

One of my favorite lines about trying to relax and not worry about TTC: "But if you conscientiously make an effort NOT to worry about it, does it count when I think about not worrying about it?"

I'm still heartbroken over this.

My KuKd journey.

My mini-break, where I never breaked at all. Still did it, but just didn't take OPTs hahaha

My Diet Coke addiction. Yummy, formaldehyde!

1st time I got tagged!

What every angel mom goes through I'm sure, Failure. and PostSecret failure.

Meet my kids!

The universe was really against me for a while...

My nieces. I miss them SOOOOOOOO much

For fun- Some crazy xrays I showed during Show and Tell!

My Cindy as Ariel!!!!!!!!!

Rubbing the fertility statues post 1 and post 2!

My most controversial post. Probably my ONLY one...?

Our decision to adopt instead of IVF

One Year Miscarriage Anniversary

CD1! Starting Clomid!

Oh so funny...

National Infertility post, with LOTS of linkage!

MY BFP POST!!!!!!!!!!


Twins!

Two Heartbeats!

Only One Heartbeat :(

My 100th post, and I didn't even know it! LOL

The rest is pretty current, and you can find probably over on the sidebar.
I really didn't expect anyone to click all those posts, but it was neat for me to see myself evolve over the year!!!
Thanks so much to all my readers and commenters over the year! I couldn't have made this journey without you!!!!