Saturday, May 30, 2009

No Hope

I just feel like I have no hope. I'm not really sad or mad or happy or anything really. But I just don't feel like I will see a heartbeat on B on Tuesday at all, and it's annoying when my husband gets mad at me for saying it. I can't help it. It's not like I WANT my babies to all die and be a owner of a crappy uterus, but that's just the way I feel. I can't change it no matter how hard I try. My mom says to ask God to bless me. I did. I did the first time, and I did this time. 2 dead babies have resulted. Not saying He did it on purpose, but what's the point? He knows what I want and He'll do what He wants no matter what I say.

13 people that love me told me so:

cowboyboot lady said...

I know you are in such a tough situation. But there is a chance that Baby B could be healthy. Is your husband able to go with you on Tuesday?

The Pifer's said...

I'm praying for you sweetie!!!! Love ya lots!

Beautiful Mess said...

It's really easy to get into a "everything is going in to the shitter" mindset. I hope you can get out of it soon. I'm sending you so much love. I'm also sending out tons of love to the little one! I'm sorry you're hurting and I wish I had better words to fix the hurt for you. I'm sending you SO much love and so many hugs!
*HUGS*

Nic said...

Do NOT give up hope. Hope is what keeps us going, keeps us trying. If we dont have hope then we have nothing. Do not give up. Baby B has a chance and I really hope that all remains well with Baby B
Nic x

Queenie. . . said...

I know it's hard not to get down. It's such a long and winding road, and gets so much harder as some bad stuff happens. But today, you are pregnant, and today, you have a baby with a strong heartbeat. Enjoy this moment, and try not to worry about Tuesday.

I have had enough bad experiences that I am trying to live one day at a time, too, hoping that eventually, enough days will pass that I'll find myself with a real live baby. Best of luck to you this week.

Kim said...

I hope you find comfort soon. {{HUGS}}

Mrs. Gamgee said...

Sending prayers your way... so hoping that tuesday will bring peace!

Elana Kahn said...

I'm praying for you, sweetie. When I was pregnant I was constantly thinking something horrible was going to happen because I had had a prior miscarriage. It's so difficult not to fear the worst. You may want to rent a doppler so you can listen to your baby's heartbeat whenever you get nervous. It REALLY helped for me!

Katie said...

Katie,

As someone who also suffered through recurrent pregnancy loss, I can truly empathize with how you must be feeling. You do feel broken, as if no good can possibly come from your body. After losing SEVEN babies (in early pregnancy), I didn't believe that my body COULD carry a pregnancy to term. Yet I now have a nine month old son who would beg to differ.

That's not to belittle your feelings in any way. They are real, they are honest, and they reflect how much you love the children you have lost in your fear for the one that you haven't. I will be praying for all of your babies and for peace for you and your husband.

Hugs,
Katie

Hoping for our own Peanut said...

heading over from tiffanys blog..

im very sorry for your loss of baby A. no words can take away your pain.

try to keep positive thoughts about baby B. it sounds like s/he is a real fighter!

alicia said...

hugs sweetie. I am so sorry. I will say some prayers for you and Baby B ok!

Heidi said...

I'm so sorry about dear baby A. And B and you and hubby will be in my thoughts.

Love and hugs and strength.

B MoM said...

with God, the Bible teaches us to believe that what we have asked for, we have received it. See Matthew 21:21-22. So believe that Baby B is alive and well and will be in your arms and it will come true. Beleive and Receive, that's been my motto.

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